The Trouble with Love is...

2006-05-23T23:07:00.000+08:00

What a crap day. A disastrous day.
First of all, I lose my handphone!
My beloved, precious pink razr.

Went to the toilet with Rowena.
I normally don't bring my handphone to the toilet, but since today is a bad luck day of course I did.
And I hung the little pouch at the back of the toilet door.
Did my business and we went out laughing as usual.
When we left, there was only the cleaner auntie there cleaning the cubicles.
Got back in the office and Lawrence and Daniel were there to bug me.
Daniel was so sweet, kept his promise to treat me, and he bought me puffs from Polar.
How he know those were my very favourite?? Hmm...
Anyway, after they left which was 5 minutes later, we were all getting ready for lunch and that was when I realised, my hp in the toilet! So I ran back and of course it being a bad luck day, was gone. I didn't leave for more than 5 minutes already gone. Haiz.
So naturally, I called back the number and of course it being a BAD LUCK day, it was off!
Now I know something was wrong. Unless you were planning to keep the phone, you wouldn't off it!
Bitch!!!!
Arghhhhh, I was sooooo sad. All my numbers gone.
What I'm really mad is why the damn thief could be like that.
Put yourself in my shoes.
The desperation of losing your phone and all those precious numbers and photos...
I hope whoever it is gets killed by lori babi.

Theres one or two bikini pics.
A couple of topless Tim ones.
Thank god no sex videos.
I'll be the next Tammy.

If I found a phone, I would do whatever it takes to get hold of the owner.
I guess some people are just not as kind-hearted as me.
What goes around, comes around just you wait.

Anyway, I was getting tired of the pink RAZR.
Every damn minah in Singapore has one.
I'm getting the same one.
Just becuase RAZR looks so cool.
Either black, blue or silver.

Then crap day, turned worse, when the LOF system at work corrupted.
Then all my work all pending.
So I can't proceed.
So I have like 6 cases to follow up tomorrow and no more Lin to make me happy, but instead this old ah pek, who is a "new staff" and I have to teach him everything.
Haiz.
I'm still so sore about it.
Why give me an old, ugly ah pek as partner.
I wasn't ecpecting a hot guy, but yeah I wouldn't have minded and old, ugly lady.
Someone nearer our age.
Our team are all girls, always talking about sex and boys.
Now how, there got one old ah pek how to talk about sex and boys.
Sheesh.
I would have wanted another girl as partner man.
Guys are such idiots.
It's so hard to teach them.
TSK.

2006-05-21T23:22:00.000+08:00

Can't believe I spent an exorbitant amount on facials at Jean Yip. Mentioning the amount makes me scared. $128 for a mask? $50 for a cleanser. Oh well, it was free anyway.
Its kinda nice the facial.
They did some zapping thing on my face. It went zzzz zzzz zzzz.
Then some bunch of stuff on my face.
But the worst part, oh my god was the extraction part. It hurts so bad.
They were like digging on my face with these sharp, shiny objects.
I was curling my toes, and clenching my fists, and moaning.
I was going "arrrr" "errmmm" "ooowwwww".
After the torture, they put some really, really, really cold mask on my face and I felt it go numb.
After that they left me for 20 mintues and I promptly fell asleep.
My face felt so raw after all that.
But I smelled like suntan lotion, sunblock, which is my favourite-test smell in the world.

Singapore Idol.
What can I say?
Singing talent is so mediocre they had to put people through based on looks.
Mr Nong Nong ago is definitely going to be on everyone's lips tomorrow.

2006-05-21T00:36:00.000+08:00

He called me again.
After 3 months.
I got such a shock when I saw his number on the display.
My heart was hammering away.
But I picked up the phone and I heard his all familiar voice which would have made me deliriously happy a year ago, but just disgusts me today.
He sounded happy, cheery, but I was not swayed.
I said "Ni siape?", pretending I didn't know him.
He started chuckling his stupid chuckle.
But I was indifferent, I kept insisting that I didn't know him and put that tone of voice like "who the hell are you and please put down the phone already, becuase I don't know you and I don't want to have you wasting my time"
And he put on his poor boy voice, "oh takper lah if you don't know who I am, becuase I'm going to put down the phone".
Well he didn't get the chance did he, becuase I hung up on him first.
Bastard.

I am happy and contented now.
Don't you dare rain on my parade.

2006-05-12T22:29:00.000+08:00

OK I take that back about not knowing how to use a tampon.
I inserted my first tampon today and it hurt like FARKKKKKKKKKKK.
No matter what the instructions say, the first time is just so damn uncomfortable.
I took about 15 minutes on the toilet trying to figure out which hole to put the damn thing in.
It's not as if I can see DOWN THERE.
Anyway, I did manage it and it felt so uncomfortable to sit down, have to find a particular position. So of course I did manage to float around in the water.
But I was scared that maybe I would suddenly find blood running down my legs.
But at the end of the day, when I pulled out that little string...
ohhhhhhhhh....felt like heaven. Like relief after giving birth. Maybe not so dramatic, but you know what I mean.

Me, Ayu, Zheng and Gabriel tried tanning but ended up not being tanned much. At around 2.45, it started to drizzle and everybody started to panic. Big mistake, becuase it seemed that everyone in Sentosa panicked much earlier. The queues to the showers were like soooooo long. I would still be standing there now I think.

So we went home early. I hardly had any tannlines. Never mind theres always other days to float! We were supposed to catch a movie or hit a club or something afterwards, but after taking a long shower and sitting on the bed in my sloppy tee and shorts, just didn't feel like getting up man......I manged to catch Toy Story though.
Cute movie. I like. :)

2006-05-11T23:46:00.000+08:00

Crap! My period is about to land and I'm going to Sentosa tomorrow! PHARKKKKKK.
I definitely must get in the water.
i want to float.
Please please pretty period, just delay for one for more day.
I guess I'll just pack a ton of pads and hope I don't turn it into the Red Sea.
Red Sea geddit? hahahahha
Hmm I heard something about the pressure of the sea which will make your period hardcore.
I just hope I don't bleed like I just got murdered.
Ehem anyway, i don't know how to use a tampon lah.

2006-05-09T00:21:00.000+08:00

Had such a blast last Friday with Sal and Sue. We were laughing like maniacs for the whole time. I never knew that "tapak Sulaiman" is actually starfish and there we were thinking that its something blasphemous. Coz kids nowadays are always saying "sepakan nabi lah, tendangan nabi lah" so we were thinking its something along those lines. It sounds so Muslim Da Vinci Code-ish though. Now the innocent starfish is the butt of all our lame jokes.

On Saturday, went to see "When a Stranger Calls" with Aidil. Beautiful house but crap movie though. The killer didn't even have a purpose to kill her, hes just psycho and he doesnt even have any affiliations with her. And in the end, she went mad. Urrr? ok....
And of course me and my big mouth, at the scary bits I kept screaming. Embarrasing myself. At some point, it was really tense and I ended up grabbing his arm and screaming down his ear. He was so shocked(not by the movie, but by yours truly and I apologized many times) it was so funny to see him so shocked that I ended up laughing for most of it. The look on his face and reaction is priceless man. I'm still laughing myself silly to this day.

2006-05-08T23:53:00.000+08:00

So pissed. Why can't things go according to plan. It's no use planning so much when its not even going to happen in the end. People just can't seem to commit themselves.

Bought a whole bunch load of stickers today and a sticker book. Im 22 and still collecting stickers. Sheesh.

The ants on my table are driving me crazy. They are running amok on my table, but yet I've got the itches. I'm itching all over. I'm allergic to ants! Got such thing?

2006-05-01T23:36:00.000+08:00

Oh well, Shah doesn't seem to know him either albeit being the cousin of the groom. But now, his cousin is the brand new abang ipar of Yadin! Hmm...
Anyway, got a bit excited when I saw Shah at the wedding. I was dying to say hi, but he was with his family so decided not to. Anyway, he sent me a message just now and yup he did keep looking and looking at me and that I did look familiar. Haha.
Boy, I should be kicking myself right now.
I totally passed up the oppurtunity to talk to both of them.
Such an idiot Sya.

2006-05-01T22:46:00.000+08:00

This is an important entry.
On Saturday, I was working at this wedding at Taman Warisan. It was such a perfect setting and the decorations were so beautiful. I met someone there and I want to see him again.
It was the most perfect stolen 10 minutes.
For most of the event, Shikin and Amirah kept going on and on and on about how handsome the brother of the bride was. I thought he was good-looking OK lah but thought that he looked young maybe 16 or 17, so I didnt bother much. He was even wearing a yellow baju kurung, with samping, songkok, chapal the works.
It was a busy day, what with handling the bitchy new staff. So what if you're from TKGS. There were ministers and from what I gather from the majority of the guests, they're all teachers. So this dude must be some big shot. It was towards the end of the day, when Juriana got scolded by one the guests, so as a captain I wanted to know what was going on and we headed to the back to talk. After she explained to me, she went off back to work but I was still sitting down to get some rest. To "curi tulang" for a little bit. Then guess who came walking by, it was that brother of the bride. He nodded at me like he knew me and he came over to stand nearby. He took out his cigarettes and lighted one. I said something like "Here can smoke meh?" and he handed me his cigarettes. I was shocked and I said I didn't smoke and he was shocked too. I said again that in Taman Warisan can smoke meh, becuase you can't smoke in the vicinity. He shrugged and sat down next to me. Before I knew it we started talking. We talked about the wedding, about his family and the guests, about him and school, about me and work and school and we even talked about elections..and he is actually 20 years old studying in Ngee Ann Poly doing 3rd year in Film, Sound and Video. He lives in Tanah Merah and yes, he was forced to wear that whole malay getup. I really, really enjoyed talking to him and suddenly his cousins called him to come over and he said that he would talk to me later, and I also said that I had better get back to work as well. Work ended and I couldn't find him anywhere. When we were about to leave, I saw him with his family and I was too nervous to come up to say goodbye. I've been kicking myself with regret ever since. I'm still thinking about it to this day. All it took was 10 minutes. His name is Yadin and I'm really hoping to see him again...

I was a bit unhappy for the rest of the night, regretting my stupidity. Went to see "Aquamarine" with Deborah, Rowena and Zhi Hui. A nice teenage girl movie about friendship and love. About a mermaid who is out to prove that love exists. Very sweet.

Does serendipity exist? Will I ever find him again? Haiz.

2006-05-01T22:16:00.000+08:00

Last Wednesday all the work girls went to dinner at Rice Table for Deborah's farewell. But she'll be extending her stay for 2 more weeks anyway. We all miss Debs!!!
I went a bit hyper and mental there. I think all the officers are a bit surprised. I think they've all think that I am quiet and shy. They don't know I can be a bit mad. It was so much fun though.

On Thursday went shopping with Rowena and Zhi Hui. We bought new shoesies! And I'm proud of my new shoesies!

On Friday met up with Ling and Di to watch "Daisy", a Korean movie. It's about this girl painter, an assasin and an Interpol agent. The assasin has a secret love for her and gives her daises everyday at the front of her shop at 4.15 everyday and he will shout out "Flowers!". He builds her a bridge at the daisy field and she gives him a painting in return. Then one day, the agent happens to absent mindedly buy a pot of daises while staking out the drug den near the place where she paints. She thinks that he's the guy that has been sending her daisies everyday. He leds her to believe that he is. The assasin is heartbroken. Then one day, there's a showdown at the painters area and she gets shot in the throat and she can never speak again. The agent is injured and gets sent back to Korea. He never tries to contact her and she is heartbroken and sad. The assasin tries to bring back her happiness by being her friend and do small, sweet things for her...I won't spoil the ending..will she know who is the real guy who sends her daisies everyday? Will it be a happy or a tragic ending?
I cried buckets I can tell you that.
Boohooooooohoooo..

After that we went to have dinner at Pizza Hut at PS. This place is the worst let me complain. It took AGESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS for the food to arrive and the waiter even forgot a simple order of plain water. The water never got to our table. The staff were rude and kept throwing glances our way and openly talking about us when we enquired why the food took so long to arrive.
That's not all. An Arabic family came shortly after our food arrived and within minutes of them eating their food, there was a huge commotion going on. Apparently there was something in the food. The wife kept showing a half eaten pizza crust to the stupid manager who looked like she didn't know what she was doing. I heard them saying something like "worm", but I'm taking bets that it might be anything from a baby cockroach, to a hair, to pubic hair.
And the staff is still saying "Have a nice day" at 10 bloody PM. I do not have a nice day at 10 at night! "Have a nice day" should only be said anytime before 4pm tops.
I remember me, Natasha and Meryl were having lunch about 2 months ago and the very same Pizza Hut at PS and there was a baby cockroach at our table.
Disgusting lah.

2006-04-25T22:44:00.000+08:00

Some weirdo called me up just now. Just to "get to know you as friend." Now, I deeply mistrust these type of people. I hate that. I mean if one of your friends pushed my number to you, just say it lah. But instead he's saying he got it from MSN lah..(i don't even have this bugger's contact on MSN lah), then he changed his story and said he got it off the back of the men's toilet door(haha funny right). I talked with him for a while then it got boring. I gave him 10 seconds to tell me where exactly he got my number from. I counted to 10, still no reason, I hung up on him. I'm so unbothered by these type of people lah. I mean just say what you have to say. And if it's any of my friends(i know one who really likes to do this, just because you have a bf, doesnt mean you can push any loser in my face ok) who try to hook me up just leave it be ok. Stop pushing unwanted guys in my face!

I called up a certain Mr H, to give him a job offer, one I haven't talked to in ages. One that I used to talk to everyday on the phone, and when I called him he can ask me "siape ni?". Aku punyer peng. Geram je. I didn't even bother to explain the reason I called just screamed "Ni siape? Ni siape?" in a really loud voice and hanging up. That's 2 losers I hung up on in one night.

Maybe I'm just being pre-menstrual.
Idiot loser guys. They're all the same.

2006-04-24T22:04:00.000+08:00

Eh how come everybodys telling me the picture is still there? I can't see it!!! There's a red X there. Or am I not seeing things you guys are seeing....woooowoooo ok mepek.
X pon X ar. Whatever seh.

Finally saw "Sepet" last night. I've had that VCD for ages and only waiting for the perfect time to watch it. It's been a month since I last bought and skarang baru mau tengok. It is seriously really good. I thought it would be about some quiet, naive, innocent melayu girl with the punk ass chinese boy...but boy was I wrong. The girl on the cover of the CD wearing a demure baju kurung is damn misleading. This girl, Orked is English educated, fiery, speaks English most of the time, opinionated and damn smart. Plus she's cute. But i'm really pelik why she wears that stupid minah kampong baju kurung all the time. Maybe it's trying to tell society that just becuase you look kampong, you are kampong, but you're not. Or something like that anyway.
And the chinese guy, Jason some street punk selling illegal VCDs suddenly turning shy in the presence of his sweetie. I love the way she calls him "sayang". Imagine calling your chinese boyfriend sayang.........OHHHHHHHHHHHBESTNYERRRRRRRR..so sweet.
How this movie seems to incorporate romance, comedy and horror into it is pure genius. Just the right touch. And one thing I really like about it, is how REAL the script is. Its not like something someone wrote for you to say, but its really how people, friends talk in real life. Most of the movie is spoken in English, Singlish, Malay, Chinese..keeping it real yeah.
I think the ending is brilliant. Eerily brilliant. How in that last few seconds before the movie ends, it brought chills down my spine.

Was watching Anugerah Skrin just now and I keeping thinking to myself. Nasib baik aku tak join, buat malu je. The girls are really quite good. A league above all the guys put together. The guys are all crap lah. Well the girls are much better. But the way they fumble, how to speak spontaneously...wah I felt really uncomfortable for them man..I would have peed my pants. Anyway the guy who got canned today, Taufiq, anak ustazah aku lah!!! Hahahahaha. Erm ok.

So sleepy. But work is enjoyable. Got a great bunch of people. Officers are great, the girls are mad, creepy orang minyak-ish pakcik yang dah tua nak mampos yang still nak try ngorat aku..YUCKS! Before I throw a stapler at your head old man, better avert your eyes elsewhere. Rashid pon satu, encourage si pakcik tua kutuk ni.
Lin..ahh my days would be dark without her. She makes me laugh so badly every single second of every single day. She likes to say "I make u damn happy right". Damn right.

2006-04-23T22:21:00.000+08:00

ok ok sorry sorry havent been updating lately..but this blog just looks so gross with the empty pic where the little girl used to be. Dunno about you guys, but I definitely cant see it.

Finally bought my digital camera today. So I don't need to beg, steal and borrow from anybody now. Can snap snap till mad. An Olympus 5 megapix model that set me back 375 bucks.
The man was trying to sell me this Nikon 4 megapix model for only 320, but the design was erm kinda ugly and it looked cheap. Haha.
Looking at an Ipod Nano too...my current MP3 player has gone a bit wonky...the buttons have gone a bit wrong..and NOT ENOUGH SONGS!
Also bought a Converse bowling bag. I need something sturdy and this just happened to be the World Cup collection of bags. I got the Germany one though. Dunno about my allegiance to the country but it was the nicest one. Got 4 designs: Brazil (green and yellow? yucks). I personally have been an Italian supporter but the bag was white and England was red..so I got Germany which was black. It's HUGE though, so I can stuff all my rubbish innit.

Also, been decorating my room lately, with these hangings on the wall type things..hang at my window as I don't have curtains in my room..quite cool..and picture frames with my Tim pictures. Haaaaaaaaaaah. I need to put back up my LOTR posters. They've collected dust long enough. It's the RETURN OF THE KING!!!

2006-04-11T23:18:00.000+08:00

I am so so so pissed off.
First of all where the hell is my main blog picture?
The picture of the little girl with the wings(did she have wings?)
Probably flown away to hell.

On Friday, when I got home, 2 of my white tops had mysteriously turned green.
Apparently my grandma's green dress had mixed up all the colours in the washing machine.
She partly admitted its her fault, and the damage was reversed after adding Clorox to the green-ised tops..so went back to white.
Then on Sunday, I bought 2 polo shirts from Giordano. One pink and one blue.
Wore the pink one to work on Monday.
Today Tuesday, its ruined.
Damn, farking RUINED!!!
The pink polo turned blackish pink. Like its been dumped in black water.
Naturally i was mad man! Plus it's brand new lah.
This time she blamed me! Saying its cheapo lah, the material not good lah..bla bla bla..
She must have done something to it lah! How could it have turned black. Rubbish man.
Emotional me, just burst into tears.
It's NEWWWWWWWWWWWW OKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!
I'm so upset. All my clothes end up ruined.
Maybe it's just a way of telling me not to be such a spoilt brat and go and wash my own clothes by hand(becuase I sure as hell don't know how to operate the washing machine)

Up to date these are the clothes my lovely darling grandma has managed to ruin:
- an Esprit polo shirt $49. Used to be baby blue. Now its baby blue with white patches.
- a $33 Topshop vintage tee. Used to be green. Now has yellow patches. I wear it to sleep now. Sianz.
- another Giordano polo tee. Used to be turqoise. Now has white patches.
- a Maryjane tee with black sleeves that turned light grey in the wash.
- a white Topshop tee that turned greenish but thankfully turned back to white.
- white tanktop that turned greenish but also turned back to white.
- the pink polo shirt that mysteriously turned black.

I started today by hand washing my also quite new red tanktop.
I started putting it onto those poles but kept banging everywhere when I tried to get those poles up to hang. In the end, gave up and right now the red tank is hanging to dry at my bedroom window.
Pathetic me.
Hands up. Me spoilt brat. Guilty of never having done any house work before.
Shame.
How? Who wants to marry me now?

2006-04-04T22:22:00.000+08:00

Fucking lousy blog.

2006-03-26T23:38:00.000+08:00

WEEKEND UPDATE:

Friday didn't turn out to be blah after all. Thought would just spend Friday night at home with my book but Zaharil called me up and we catch up at our kedai kopi place. A place I used to frequent with Mr Creep, a place I thought I would never ever step into ever again. But I did. And I don't feel anything. Yay! Ril's bro has "ran off" with the laptop so no more late night chitchats anymore. Damn.

Saturday. Saturday Saturday. Saturdays are turning out to be the best day of the week. Went with Fairuz to the MDIS Unicampus Fiesta. Fairuz degil didn't want to wait for the shuttle bus so we decided to walk. I was already in heels, but still OK ar...when it started to rain. First it was drizzling, then it got worse, then it was pouring down like mad. So bopian we had to run. I was running in my heels. Nasib baik tak cium lantai..So there we were 2 mad people running.
"Eh, Fai I feel like we're in the Amazing Race lah..we're team number 1 trying to get to the finish line!"
"Eh ar ar eh, cepat lari". That was so funny.
Took some brochures and stuff and yeah I think I decided that yes I do want to go back to school. I'm still young and I want to study. So MDIS in the future? Degree in Mass Comm?
Amacam Wacky? I know you want to do this too....
So Fai well he immediately applied and he'll be starting in June. Good luck man. Aren't you glad you came with me? Teehee.
There was an incident at the registration office. We were going to get out of the room. I pushed and pushed at the door, but it wouldn't bugde. Then he pushed and pushed and it didn't budge either. Then the receptionist "ehemed" have to press the button at the side. Duh. How were we supposed to know that! Nasib baik pintu tak roboh.
Then we saw Jamie Yeo and she was on her way to the toilet. We hung around outside the toilet and accosted her! Hah!

Jamie and me. Same same.

After that I still had 2 hours to kill, so decided to go to the shop. It's been almost a month since it opened but i've never been there yet, so hung out at the shop with the family and Mom was there as well. Talked to her about MDIS and she said ok, gotta split it with my Dad so we're OK. I just have to go find out stuff about study loans at work tomorrow.

Met Di in Orchard. We're going gaga over stuff at F21, when I noticed these 2 guys staring at me. They were openly talking about me. One indian hiphopper(haha) and the other guy is obviously that guy from Triple Noize. The one who's engaged to Dalina. The indian guy told me that he saw me in the train just now and I was like huh? He asked me if I got on the train at Clementi just now, and I said yesssss...and he was like "yeah i saw you in the train just now".
Err ok, i was so not paying attention in the train then. Then we said our see ya laters when suddenly this Triple Noize guy suddenly said "Nice eyebrows".
WAAAAAT????
I just said thanks.
Then I went scurrying back to Di asking if there was anything on my eyebrows or anything or what...no, no furry animals on my eyebrows...I think he must have meant eyelids lah!
Becuase I had on my blue glittery, quite over the top eyeshadow on. Haha.
Eyelids? Eyebrows?
Know your body parts 101.
We had salty mee soto and as usual yakking about random stuff.
We ventured to FarEast, flirted with the Coffee Bean boys, well I flirted with the Coffee Bean boys..hehe..I love spending time with Di..its always a blast. And I mish Menot!!

Met up with my cousin, Amir and gf Sherry the Cherry (???). Took a cab down to the Gallery Hotel. The Liquid Room. Abg Wahab working there tonight and he's going to get us in for free. Now I know my cousin, he's obviously using me. Chet.
We waited for his friend Eddie and well well Eddie turns up and hes super cute....he was shy at first..didn't talk much but from what little he says, I know this guy has wit. Now thats sexy.
I guess he was doing his "i'm an asian gangsta routine".
I tried talking to Amir and Sherry but they obviously wanted to go with each other. And they pushed me to dance with Eddie so I did.
Well, well, this guy is a smart talker AND a smooth mover. I loike.
The music was so loud, we were screaming into each other's ears and he kept stepping on my toes. 5 times we counted. Of course I took this oppurtunity to put my arm around him, with the excuse of not being able to hear him so I had to get extra close.
That's when I noticed his smile. He has this mega watt smile and makes me go "omigod" everytime he smiled..super shiny. I was blinded. At one point, I even forced him to smile. Evillll.
Abg Wahab said I was a "naughty girl" and even shook his finger at me. I felt like a 5 year old!
We couldn't move on the dancefloor, it was crazy packed and I kept giggling whenever someone banged into me..I get giggly when people touch me for some reason. So we moved to another corner and there were these rowdy bunch of angmohs going crazy there. Doing all these outrageous dancing and it was funny becuase one of them was fat and huge with jiggly titties. We just kept rolling our eyes at them. One thing about these people is that they dance with their handbags on and that looks really silly.
Liquid Room is good. It's really small and cosy which I guess is OK. I liked MOS's hugeness but small can be good too. It's still one of those places that haven't yet been transformed into kampong melayu. The majority is chinese and there's a good mix of ang mohs and foreigners. Even the music's good. It's hiphop rnb but its not those matreps hiphop rnb if you know what I mean.
Then we moved on to a more quiet area. Amir and Sherry went off somewhere and that's when we started to get a bit more cosy, Eddie and me and ehem I'll just say that there was some ehem dirty dancing going on...
*silently screams*

Now my cousin has always been protective of me. He never intros me to any of his friends even when I bugged him to and now here he is encouraging me with Eddie. He's close to Eddie. Eddie has even slept at our grandparents place before. But I was never there when he slept over.
It was tons of fun. And it gets better, Amir had to send Sherry home, so Eddie sent me home on his bike.. Weee.. Of course, I grabbed this opportunity to hold on tight. Teehee.
Gatal eh.

2006-03-24T00:01:00.000+08:00

My perspective on guys has changed so much over the past year. Last year, I would have been happy to quickly get married with the loved one...have kiddies and hmm...wats next? be a boring housewife. At 21?
Since being free and liberated, devoid of "glints of sorrow", and "broken down defences", life has been happy happy happy since.
Being with all these other guys make me see, how great a future I can have.
Tim John at SMU bound to be successful.
German Tim originally from Germany, studying in London and interning right here in Singapore will have a brilliant career.
But maybe the best examples are the ones working right here.
A particular male staff called Traven. Even his name is nice. Well-spoken, highly educated, successful, gentlemanly, plus cute too. Now, that's attractive in a man.
I'm definitely not looking down on my own race but maybe Melayus are too complacent these days. They are simply happy to settle down with marriage and have babies..and wat next? Where do you go after that? We are getting married younger and younger and for all the wrong reasons...shotgun..."supposed love"...wat?
And then there you are at 22 23 years old with a kid.. a husband..wat happened to the rest of your life? Man that is such a sad thought.
I want a successful man with a good education, potentially great career.
I used to say...its ok if my education is higher than my husbands, its ok if my husband doesn't have a well paying job..I don't want to settle for second best anymore. I want the best.
All that "its all in the heart" thing is all pig s#*t.
It's the whole goddam package.
And if this successful man happends to be a melayu, that's even better.

Guys listen up.
Brainy guys are damn attractive.
Brainy and successful guys give me orgasms.

I don't want to be married at 22 with 3 kids and an ex-husband.
There's actually quite a lot of them.
Scary.
Don't be a statistic. Jeng jeng jeng.

2006-03-23T00:49:00.000+08:00

OMG! I'm famous. Kind of. Ayu smsed us this morning saying that our faces were plastered on The New Paper's online erm newpaper.
Go to www.tnp.sg Click on Bachelors and look at the pics. I can't believe they actually put this shot in here man. I look so crazy. Like some eager beaver yang sangat excited giler babi. My mouth is wide open...thank god no hairy armpits...but chicken arms! oh crap chicken arms...
So that's proof of me grabbing hands with Chris Goh. Yippe.

Starstruck? Or just clammy hands???

Went out with Tim just now. I quickly rushed home from work just to meet him for our promised movie. He gave me a big hug when we met. Awwwwww and he smells awfully good. Like Nivea moisturizer or something. We went to catch the 9:20pm movie at WestMall. We went to see "V For Vendetta".
OMG let me warn you people about this movie. DON'T WATCH IT!!!!!!!
It's 2 whole hours of torture. It's 2 hours of you wishing how fast can this thing end. It'll make your mind wander. It's pointless nonsense. A "i really, really don't get it" plot. Forgettable faces and a dumb masked man with my haircut. Sheesh.
I can tell you after watching it, I still have no idea what it's about. The worst ever ever ever movie I have ever seen. Natalie Portman failed to save it. It's about some mad guy wanting to bomb Parliament House...about gays and lesbians being chemically killed or something like that.
Tim kept muttering "this is so crap, this is so crap" turning to me and rolling his eyes. I kept saying "I don't get it, do you???" and all he does is shrug his shoulders which means he doesn't either haha.
It ended at 11:30 by then it was too late to sit and chat and have a drink. Tim was trying to catch the last train home. He apologised for picking that crap movie and we're going to pick something better and have more time the next time. So he sent me over to the bustop and gave me a huge goodbye hug. It lasted for quite a while and I almost kissed him but I didn't. Haha. There was this makcik when after Tim left, kept shooting daggers at me..and a bunch of minahs in one corner staring. Chet.
So will be seeing Tim again soon.
Auf Weidersehn. Betol tak spelling dier Menot?

2006-03-20T23:29:00.000+08:00

Tim is a magic word. Becuase apparenly when Di wrote her Sly fanfic yonks ago...waaaay back in 2004 August...the female lead had a toy cat named Timmy. I think she was thinking of me when she thought up that toy cat. Becuase well me=kitty. And a kitty called Timmy is just purrrr-fect.

Zahirah defintely reminds me of Menot. The way she talks, the way she dresses, the way we feel about the people working there. I may have found myself a partner in crime. Hur hur.

Eeeee. Amy called today. Entah aper ntah si jantan giler ni nak lagi.
Giler talak kot.
I was like "Hello???, Ni sape?"
Aksen tak kenal!!!
Muahahhahahahaa................

2006-03-19T22:47:00.000+08:00

FRIDAY! BEST DAY EVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!

All day at work, I had people saying.."Syaa....why today so low cut..." I guess it was pretty low cut and even Rowena said she could see my bra from where she was standing. Tsk!
Finally that cute guy at work talked to me! We've just been senyum-senyum kambing at each other je...dah lepas kenal then teros tak abes abes nak kacau je..

After work, rush to Novena to get the camera from Di. Thank God she had a spare camera. Saviour!!! Met Zheng and Ayu and we had dinner for a while..we reached MOS at 8pm and we almost had a heart attack seeing the queue. It was soooooo crazy! We were so scared we won't be able to get in! BUT surprisingly the queue moved fast and we were in before 15 minutes and the best thing was, we got right up front. Apparently someone said you're not allowed to bring in cameras, so I was a bit worried, but Mr Bouncer took one look at me and "Right on in Miss!" Ahaha! Low-cut helped I think! LALALALALA.

Here are the categories (those that I can remember anyway, got some I can't remember coz I wasn't really paying attention)
Bachelor with the most can-do attitude: Sorry can't remember..either Paul Foster or Colby
Bachelor with the most drive: Nicholas Tay (i think)
Bachelor with the tightest buns: Syed Ahmad
Most Game Bachelor: Timothy John!!!! (YES! YES! YES!)
Bachelor You most wanna bring back to mummy: Howard Lo
Most Hair-some Bachelor: Shah Iskandar
Bachelor with the most star potential: Colby Miller (I think)
Most Street-smart Bachelor: Chris Goh(I think)
Bachelor you most wanna frisk: Shan Wee
MOST ELIGIBLE BACHELOR 2006: Nicholas Leong
*clap clap clap*

After that, we went to explore MOS. Went to the Smoove(rnb) room and 54(retro). Partied for a bit and along the way we bumped into them. Zheng took with Howard. I found my Shah and Tim and I was a happy bunny. Ayu found Nicholas Leong and I even congratulated him. How come their hands are all cold and clammy. When Chris Goh was singing, I held out my hand and he grabbed it..his hand was cold and clammy too. Haha. Zheng and Ayu took with Justin Lacey and after that he hung around us..maybe thinking I would want to take with him or what..but I didn't..I had my Tim! I was happy! And he went off a bit ackward and disappointed. He's so cute. My grandmother loved watching Lifeline becuase of him. Errrr...Jamal?
We partied until 130 or so. I couldn't take it. My shoes were killing me. So I did what I always do. Take them off and walk barefoot. Paul Foster smiled at me while we were in 54. *sigh*
I'll never get over Tim's oily body. I wanna lick his nipples so bad.
Shan Wee VS Howard Lo.
Funny Jap guy.
EB 06 memorable.

Hands off Mine!

Winner gets bounced

Tim Tams

ShahSya

So we decided to go home. Ayu and Zheng went home by taxi. I didn't want to becuase it's EXPENSIVE! So I decided to take Night Rider NR8 to Bukit Batok. I went to talk to this Chinese guy who also happened to be at the busstop to ask him about Night Rider and we continued to talk ar..I mean there I was barefoot holding my heels in my other hand..he must have thought I was drunk or something...before that, I noticed this ang moh also pacing up and down the busstop. Suddenly he stopped and asked me what bus I'm taking. I said I'm going to Bukit Batok and coincidentally so was he, so we decided to wait for the bus together. So Mr Chinese Guy got ditched lah. I asked him what's his name and he took out his hand and said "Hi, my name is TIM!" TIM! TIM! TIM! omigod... i mean he could have any name in the world but his name was Tim. If that's not fate then I don't know what is...so we got on the bus together and chatted alllllll the way to Bukit Batok. He's 21 on an internship from Germany. He's only been here for a month and doesn't really know places and people. So we exchanged numbers and promised to chill out again soon. He asked me over to his place..but it was like 3 in the morning so I said maybe next time, we'll hang out at his pool or play tennis. (Err..I don't know how to play tennis..???) If wanna go watch a movie, we could like go together or something. This would be fun! Tim! CALL ME! Well if he doesn't then I will!
Haha.

Today went to jempotan kahwin and the groom's name is Suhaimi. Eeerie. People kept calling him Amy..where have I heard that name before eh?
Shrugs.

2006-03-17T00:28:00.000+08:00

I feel so guilty. I did something apparently major at work today. Sent out some wrong email. They were whispering about me and I knew it. I felt so bad I wanted to cry. I was practically hiding under Violet's desk and ready to drop tears...Everybody makes mistakes and it's not just my fault...she was also wrong not to check.
I'm really, really quiet at work, minding my own business. Never mind if I'm not as rowdy as them. They've never really made me feel welcome. Everytime I try to join in a conversation, it starts up for a while then dies down again. Lameness. Might as well don't bother. Save my precious breath.

I want to see Timmy.

2006-03-13T00:03:00.000+08:00

WEEKEND UPDATE!

Ok so I didn't go to Momo on Friday after all. But I did go to a gay club though. Met up with H and accompanied him to go apply for this bartender job in Tanjong Pagar. What we didn't know was, it was in a gay club. I took one step inside and went right back outside. Apparently he got it. Welcome to the gay club.
Now I just like H only as a friend. I mean its nice having someone to talk to, to go out with, but maybe just not that ready yet and what really really freaked me out was when he just came up behind me and hugged me. Not a nice friendly hug but a coupley sort of hug. I was so put out. What pisses me off is that he keeps insisting he doesn't like N and keeps telling her to leave him alone, but he still go and layan her. He just likes the attention I guess. I couldn't care less lah actually.

On Saturday, nice Di accompanied me to go and see Shah from Cleo. It's the annual Cleo's 50 Most Eligible Bachelors. I was curious lah. Well actually this Shah is also from Anugerah Skrin. If I had gone down to the auditions, confirm would have met him. I think he would be another Haizad in the making lah. It was so funny and so lame at the same time. But we had a really good time and a really good laugh...I actually went up on stage(tak tau malu peh pasal, plus I really wanted to win something). My game was from Chevignon and I had to spray shaving cream on to a plate. I tell you, I didn't have strength man. Then they had to do push ups under the plate and make sure it doesn't get on to thier bodies. I got paired up with No. 43 Redzuan. Now this guy is a personal trainer and he's got mangoes for boobs (quote from Di). So of course he won and if he won, means I won! Yey! I won! I won!!!!!!! After that some Chevignon guy came up to take my pic. *CHEESE*
Then I got hooked on Mr Timothy John....and the rest is history...
I'll see you soon Tim!!!

Shah and Sya

Rudy. Arghh gambar spoil!

Me and Tim. Couple of the Year

Redzuan. His boobs are bigger than mine lor!!!

Sunday met up with Abg Wahab and gang.
We're gonna partay at Attica!
Flubb was there!
Hehehehe.

Erlin Montel asal kite macam sama haircut je eh...

2006-03-09T21:42:00.000+08:00

Get this. I have 2 invites to go to a launch party at Momo. It's the launch of Hugo Bosses latest fragrance, Pure Purple. Now I really wanna go just for the hell of it and maybe I'll get some free perfume(or something). But nobody wants to go!!!!
Ash first said her bf let her, then after that he got scared that she'd flirt with other guys so he changed his mind. Idiot guy. So insecure. Like AS IF!
Controlling nak mampos. Baru bf, belom jadi laki. Bodo peh jantan.

Everyone is complaining that their job is boring. Yeah, I've heard that a million times. I used to gripe so much about it too once upon a time. But keeping it real, which job isn't boring? Something that you do day in and day out, again and again, same old, same old. Of course you'll get bored. Even a supermodel would be bored of travelling the world, even a parachute jumper would get bored throwing himself out of the fuckin plane day in and out. Or maybe they wouldn't. I'm neither a supermodel nor a parachute jumper. I'm just a cynic. That's all.
So people, just shut up and do your job becuase HELL life IS boring so just live with it.

P.S My job is sooooooooooo boring. Haha.

Something to gripe about at work. I'm sitting with this girl at work. OK she's quite pretty and cute and blablabla and she speaks GREAT english and she's perky and cheerful but it's these types that are so bitchy. Now I'm hating this girl big time not becuase she's pretty and whatever but becuase she gave everyone in the office a packet of Vitasoy soyabean drink but she never gave one to me. Mentang-mentang aku budak baru tak payah kasi ar. Next time, I won't give you. Buek!!

2006-03-06T23:53:00.000+08:00

Cukuplah sahja berteman dengan ku
Janganlah kau meminta lebih
Ku tak mungkin mencintaimu
Kita berteman sahja
Teman tapi mesra..

2006-03-06T23:35:00.000+08:00

I'm soooooo sleepy........sleepy, sleepy, sleepy..zzzzzzzzzz
Work is not so bad. They may look po-faced but they're ok.
Doesn't matter, one of them is buggering off the end of the week and the other one buggering off end of the month. Hah, but they're nice lah, it's just the inner bitch in me being bitchy.
At least this week Ash also got transferred to the Atrium for a week so at least ader member to go lunch with. Ooooh...ader super duper cutie guy who is always hanging around in front of the filing cabinets in front of my desk. He SMILED at me just now. Swoon. Swoon.

This is the kitty kat that I always play with on the way home from work. Ever since I was working at eClub I've been playing with this kitty. It likes to wound itself round and round and round my legs, gesel-gesel my feet and nibble my toes. It also likes to follow me home but when I get to the part where I have to cross the road, it stops and just stares at me. Awwww...
Clever Kitty. But this silly kitty also gives me itchy red nose and watery eyes.

Blackie (to me at least)
Pandai dier posing. Hur.

2006-03-04T23:04:00.000+08:00

Went to JB with H today. Hmm, I dunno but was it just my imagination or was he trying to like get close to me? Like sit near near, then keep pinching me, poking me in the ribs..I just didn't do anything about it though. I couldn't very well give him a black eye now could I.

He let me eavesdrop on his and N's conversation. N is still bugging him and asking him out.

Anyway we went to finally buy my contact lenses coz I've been blurry for the past few days. It's cheap man! 1 month disposables for only RM20. Weee.
Then we went to watch movie. Of all movies in the world, we went to watch cite Melayu! Seumur hidup, I've never been to watch a malay movie in the cinema!
VCD, VCD tu ader ar. We could have seen Casanova ke, Big Momma's House ke, how come Mesia not showing those Oscar movies ar? Mesia tak support gay movie ke.
We went to see "Main-main Cinta". Gawd just the title alone is so freakin' kental-ish.
It stars Misha Omar and some guy from Akademi Fantasia 2. Adam or something. Never heard of him nor seen him before. AF I only know Mawi ar.
I think this movie was more of seeing whether Misha can act as well as she sings (she can actually) and for the lady fans of this Adam to ogle at him-or something. Tak hamsem sangat actually. Doubt that he's pure melayu tho...?
The storyline is really, really lame. Takde plot langsung lah.
The only good thing about the movie was Saiful Apek who can really give the laughs at the worst of times ar. Haha.

Before we headed home, H bought some underwear. I absolutely refused to follow him into the shop! The shop had huge posters of men in their underwear and can see the huge bulges in them. So at Singapore customs, H got tahan becuase supposedly you can't bring Ramlee burger into Singapore.( I so did not know that) Chet.
The police proceeded to check H's bag and they took out and inspected EVERYTHING. Yang paling kekek is when they took out his brand new underwear too! It was all in boxes and thank god they didn't take it out of the box. That would have been SOOOOOOOOOOOOO mortifying.

He's really, really sweet to me. But haiz, I just really don't want to commit lah. I just can't.
Not now.

I'm just really, really in love with his passport photo though. It's looks reallllllllllllllly cute. Kalau boleh amek dah amek dah.

2006-03-03T23:38:00.000+08:00

I am sooo sleepy.
Back to work after a month slacking.
Thank God coz I was running low on funds.
Job is boring.
Print this report, then update, update the print print, photocopy and sign and pink slip and dunno wat dunno wat.
Oh well at least it ain't as mind numbing as folding statements.
My new kaki, Lin is pretty cool too.

Tomorrow probably going to JB with H.
We've gotten pretty close and he's been telling me nasty stories about N.
Heh. Heh.
He's comforted me, made me laugh and stuff but...
I dunno if I'm like uncomfortable or whatever, its just that I don't want to get too close to guys or anything at this moment in time.
It's hard trusting male species after what happened...
and its much much more liberating being single and free and not caring about hurting your guys feelings or slalu nak jaga hati or whatever. I don't have to make anyone happy but myself.

Right now, I'm priority to me.

2006-03-01T23:52:00.000+08:00

Yesterday went to watch Final Destination 3 with Dionne.
Hmm...I think it's really, really sad during the rollercoaster deaths.
Damn funny when the black guy died smashed his head on some weight lifting thing.
Coz he was being all macho and suddenly smashed his own head.
That was so funny, coz me and Di kept giggling like Jellybies.
The ending was creepy though.
I think they died, so yeah.

Haiz, anyone wanna see Brokeback Mountain with me?
I have yet to see a R21 movie, since turning 21.
I wanna flash some IDs.

2006-02-28T00:21:00.000+08:00

Asal pat Singapore ni suddenly ader banyak sundal?
All aspiring to be porn stars.

What with the sudden outbreak of sex videos.
I wouldn't say it never crossed my mind.
Me and Mr Porn Distributor were even thinking of making one ourselves.
Me and my very successful thesis on Staircase Sex.
But nah, it's so overrated.
Sex is so overrated.
Sikit sikit sex, sex, sex.
Naik bosan gue.
We're too cool for that.

To those aspiring porn stars.
Sukati korang lah eh.

2006-02-23T23:25:00.000+08:00

tak terlintas di hati ini, untuk aku jatuh cinta lagi, tapi takdir yang menentukan..

I friggin' love this song. Wahahaha.

2006-02-23T00:43:00.000+08:00

Ever since I was a little girl, I've always wanted to be a Singapore Girl..your're a great way to fly and all that. So when I saw this great oppurtunity I was so ready to grab it. SIA are holding interviews this week and I thought that I could try out. Everybody was so supportive and encouraging and I was so bloody excited. Until this morning.
My mom called and I excitedly told her that I wanted to try out and she laughed at me.
Just short of saying that I wasn't pretty enough but I know what she meant.
Her exact words being, "They only take people with flawless skin, you've got so many pimples, you think they're going to pick you? You ever see stewardesses with pimples?".
Let me tell you.
1. Talk about putting someone down! You just deflated me pffffffft! like a fucking balloon.
2. It's not THAT bad. I am beautiful.
3. What do you know? You don't live with me
4. Is my life resorted to dull banking jobs? I don't want to be like you ma.

After this, you think I want to go try out for Anugerah Skrin? You must be fucking crazy.
No offence Wacky. Love ya.

2006-02-21T15:42:00.000+08:00

Was my brother Syafiq's 15th birthday on Sunday but we had an early celebratory dinner. Wasn't anything big or party-ish just a normal dinner at some seafood restaurant.

Happy 15th Brother Bear

Fancy Food

Was nursing a headache but had already promised Reza aka ChiChi to go party with him. Fir had long since abandoned us to chase a piece of pussy over at HRC.
Moi cousin, Amir desperately wanted me to come along to Liquid Room just becuase I could get them in for free. Chet.
So in the end, me, Reza and his cousin went to Paradigm(I am soooo embarrased to admit this, becuase this place is undeniably so erm uncool)
Apparently frequented by mats and minareps so no wonder it was dirt cheap.
But all of us were skint anyway.
We got in ard 11-ish and the place was empty. God I was depressed. All we did was to perch up on the high seats for about an hour or so before the place started filling up.
Little did I know I was going to get involved in some sticky relationship shit.
After a while Reza's friends came. A guy and a girl. Let's call the girl N and the guy H. I just assumed that they were together. We started chatting and getting to know each other.
When H asked me where I stay and I said Clementi and he said that he used to do his NS over at the Ulu Pandan camp same as where Mr Creep was. Wahey! I had hit a gold mine and it was time to dig! (Corny sentence Sya)
So for the next few minutes me and H were screaming into each others ears to talk. Apparently H does know Mr Creep.

Apparently everyone dislikes Mr. Creep becuase besides being a Mr. Creep he is also Mr. Big Liar. and a Mr. Thief. He told people that he had this girl who was rich and who gave him money. Oh oh the humiliation of it all!!!!!!
And all those things he told me about work, staying back at work, overtime on Saturdays and Sundays...according to H, there was no such thing.
So this just takes it one step further.
I've been lied to and cheated on.
It was time we hatched a revenge. I wouldn't want other girls to fall into his sleazy trap.
And to think that I was ready to forgive and turn a blind eye even though I knew.
I was foolish enough to still be in love with him and miss him.
Gawd, I am such an idiot.
Anyway, its been said "Sepandai-pandai tupai melompat, akhirnya jatuh juga" so applies. He can lie and lie but I will always find out in the end. Like how I found him out 5 years ago. I've found him out again. He thinks I'm naive. He thinks I don't know people. He's wrong.

So me and H exchanged numbers and we are going to talk again soon. Oh yes.
Which leads us to another problem.
H and N are not together after all.
While H and I were exchanging numbers, N was standing at the table with her arms folded and looks like she was going to eat me.
If she hated me, she didn't show it though.
So I was made middle person throughout the night.
The story goes like this: N likes H, but N already has a bf. N lies to H that she doesn't. H found out about it becuase N's bf found out about H and confronted H. N's bf is pleading with H to help him because N's bf loves N very much and doesn't want to break up. H wants to help N's bf. H hates N.

So there I was, what with N crying on my shoulder( I barely know her!!!) and saying how frustrated she was becuase H was not paying any attention to her.
I just made a few pathetic attempts of patting her on the back and trying to give her some advice which is just a bunch of crap anyway. Never take Sya's advice!!

And H who kept screaming down my ear saying that if N can cheat on her bf, then N may cheat on him too. I just kept nodding and saying that I understood. Nod nod nod.
What happens next is entirely up to them. This is some complicated shit.
That's why I never do relationships. Bah.
Good Luck to N and H.
Just don't tell N that I spent 3 hours on the phone last night with H.

Another thing I don't understand is fights.
There was another fight outside the club that night.
All melayus. Fists were flying. I saw a couple of flying kicks. Girls screaming.
*Punch**Slap**Kick****
Then the crowd parted.
There was a guy lying unconscious on the floor.
Also a fat girl in an extremely short black dress(wonder where her shoes went...) was splayed out on the floor like a fallen pig.
Suddenly, one man came up to the unconscious guy and STAMPED ON HIS HEAD!!!!!!!!
I was in the taxi going "OMIGOD! OMIGOD! OMIGOD!"

You see someone once told me, that gangs exist merely to stem racial riots. That's why back in the 60s there were Malay gangs and Chinese gangs and stuff.
Now its malays going against malays.
Going for their own races.
It's sad.
*Shakes head*

2006-02-18T15:03:00.000+08:00

Happy 21st Birthday to my dearest Menot!!!!
Greetings from Singapore all the way down under.
May you have a great birthday.
Everybody's thinking of you!
Once again, Menot, I'll skip the cliches and just simply wish you a very, very, very
HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY!!!

2006-02-16T21:10:00.000+08:00

Anugerah Skrin
Nak join ke tak?
Anybody want to join also?
Can go together gether?

2006-02-16T02:42:00.000+08:00

aku

Sempat senyum2 dalam toilet

kemproh me and menot

Muke tak mandi siot.
Taken with Menot.
Last minute fast-fast piccie with Menot.
Moments before taking off.

Yey. Can download and transfer stuff from PC to RAZR.

2006-02-16T02:00:00.000+08:00

Still thinking of you (even though I shouldn't be...)

Haish.
How would u feel if an ex-boyfriend got married?
An ex-boyfriend who you still kinda have feelings for?
An ex-boyfriend who got married just to spite you?
An ex-boyfriend who blames you for his rushed marriage?
I'm kinda over it.
Seeing him again didn't use to bug me as much as it did in the past.
He's got a brand new life now, or so says he. Now, he's a "family" man.
Now.
I'm just lonely.
Fark.

Guys. They come and they go.
Most of them are bastards.
Senseless beings who step all over your heart and the cause of you crying on the MRT.
Now I'm just trying to pick up the broken pieces of my heart.
Going through life in a daze suits me.
Dionne and me made a pact.
By the time we're 30 and if neither of us are married, we'll marry each other.
Yes, we won't have kids but we'll adopt an entling.
We'll elope to New Zealand and go live with the hobbits.

2006-02-15T01:51:00.000+08:00

It was him.

Didn't sleep at all last night.
Just simply couldn't sleep...
Woke up at 4am to send Menot to airport.
So Sues picked us up.
It was so great driving along at 4 in the morning.
Still dark. No traffic. So peaceful.
We picked up Fadz and Linda and on the way to the airport.

Poor Menot was in such a daze surrounded by all her friends.
Dah macam superstar. She was signing all these autographs and pictures.
Her friends made her this huge photo frame thinggie. Sho schweet.
She couldn't have time to talk becuase she was just rushing and rushing around.
Her second brother is super cute. Sorry Menot if you're reading this! :P
When it was time to go in, there was like group hugs all around and then Nana started crying and one by one everyone started to cry too. I can't see people cry in a sad situation. It's like berjangkit nanti. When she came over to hug me, her eyes were already red and damn I just started to cry too! Bwahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!
Haish. Menot now safely in Perth after she smsed me just now..Miss her already..
MSN now so empty.
Today being Valentine's Day.
Couldn't cry over MSN.
Bah.

After that, the 4 of us went to eat at Changi Village. All the shops not opened yet.
I felt so kopet and yucky. But mandi lah.
Then still drive down to the beach where Linda found a 2 dollar note. Haha.
Siap bergambar with the note.
On the drive back, the 2 behind, Fad and Linda K.O, too sleepy already.
Got home around 9am and I also K.O
That's when HE called.
Macam tau-tau je orang miss him.
Haish.

Yey. My dearest Dad finally found me the "Ada Apa Dengan Cinta" VCD at Bedok. Yey. Yey.
Sayang Papa.
Went out with Di for a while.
Sweet Di always giving candies and cookies and earrings during special occasions.
Suddenly at Outram, she went pale and so quiet. Going to pass out lah she.
Now its Di crampies.Breaking out in cold sweat.
It's scary. I kena many times before.
Everywhere around us were girls carrying teddies, carrying flowers, couples canoodling, couples holding hands. Made me want to kill myself. After I kill them.
Haish.
At Taka, saw Mr. M with his apparently new girlfriend. Ader gf senyap-senyap.
HOW CAN HIS GF BE CUTER THAN ME SEH? FARK.
He's Mr. Not So Potential anymore lah.
Sial peh jantan.

Crying in the MRT seems to be a favourite pasttime of mine lately.
Haish.

2006-02-13T23:38:00.000+08:00

The latest crop of Cleo EBs are here.
Haizad. Love him still. But so 2004.

Now 2006. Bachelor Number 4.
Shah Iskandar.
He's my favourite.
Weee.

We even have the same name.

Eh. Wacky pon ader entry pasal Haizad.
Gagagaga. Ikot Wacky.
Gagagaga.

2006-02-13T21:32:00.000+08:00

On Saturday, my grandmother warned me to not stay over with my cousin if it was just the two of us becuase she was scared "ape ape terjadi". Erm what the hell does that mean? That was like such an uncomfortable conversation. Incest? Like EWW.
Went out with Idah, Fir, Fir fren- Rizal. I find his shyness annoying. And Reza.
I thought I liked shy guys until I realised how annoying they can be. They are annoying if they like anyone else but me lar. Oh god. Im sucha bitch.
I can't understand how we managed to spend $26.50 at Coffee Bean!
Arhhhhhhhh!
And I bought another pair of shoes! Forgive me! Last one I swear!
On the way to Far East met Rozy. She's still as terrifying as ever. Used to bully me. But she's good. Damn good. Gawd I love her.
Played pool. Wow. 2 days in a row. I suck at it. It's so apparent.
I got drunk on Marlboros.

On Sunday was nonchalantly flipping through the newspapers looking at handphone deals..and I just casually said to Papa that I want this phone..the pink RAZR..and got Starhub roadshow at WestMall.. and he was like ooh how much and he was quite interested in what I was showing him. I had no intention whatsoever of getting the phone today becuase I was like so broke..and then suddenly he was like come lets go to WestMall now. He even offered to pay half!! Wahhh! Best. So I just had to pay $168 which is the actual price. The total was $268 but becuase I upgraded the phone less than 2 years had to topup an extra $100. So Dad paid the $100. Better than nothing and I got the phone I was ranting on about at the last entry.
So all day I've been flipping it open and close. I better stop doing it already.

Im in Love.

Afterwards we went to Mustafa Center. Still can't find "Ada apa dengan Cinta". There was another Indonesian movie that I wanted though. "Virgin", tapi paiseh ar beli with my dad. Mampos. Then we went to Plaza Singapura and walked all the way to FarEast with my parents. Why issit slightly embarrasing to be eating at Cahaya with my parents. Sheesh.
A lot of sundals there. I was embarrased for them...

I'll be up at 4am later to send Menot off.
Sigh.
Forget me not Menot.

Woah woah private number calling.
I am so not picking this up.
SCAREDDDDDDD!!!
Been having dreams of him lately..this is the second time.
In the dream, he is calling me and we always end up screaming at each other.
Haish..
In the dream, I see your face...

2006-02-10T23:07:00.000+08:00

Does wearing too much perfume give you a headache?
I think I just gave myself a huge headache by spraying on 10 sprays of Clinique Happy.

Finally went out with Prince Abubu today. Last time we saw each other was at Menot's chalet and I wasn't really paying much attention to him only that KinKin and I were going "Ooooh...sape tu...".
Went to get a teeny weeny little something for Menot and after that kept walking back and forth back and forth in the rain. Ate at KFC FarEast. Since today was the day of the OLevels Results (or Resluts) there were a lot of kiddies in town. Either celebrating or couldn't care less that they failed but celebrating anyway.
After that was my first time ever playing fool I mean pool and I felt like a right fool. Oh well, I wasn't that bad at all and managed to sink a few balls in. I didn't make any balls fly or sticks poke or anything like that. There were a lot of Melayus and I was feeling self conscious but then I have to stop thinking that everyone is staring at me(macam aku ni mane peh jambu je..) so after I got over that I played quite ok, for a first timer anyway. Well, pool is damn boring if played by 2 people so moving on. We went to play arcade after that. I kicked his ass at Daytona. I seem to be beating a lot of guys at this...but I lost at motorbikes becuase its HEAVY!

Surveyed handphones and I really, really like the pink Motorola RAZR one but then everyone has it but I don't really give a shit so I'm going to get it anyway..and then I also like the silver one and the black one and the blue one and theres the new V3i one which is like SLIGHTLY better or whatever but then I really, really like the pink one but it's like so crap but like I don't care and blablabla but the black one is nicer no no the silver one looks waaay better but how about the blue..its unique not a lot have it. Yeah, becuase the colour sucks and should I get second hand or first hand or third hand or fourth feet or blablabla..arhhh I want the pink one becuase it's like so nice and blablabla I'm getting the pink one. The End.

Prince Abubu is cool. He's really cute when he smilessssssss.........
We chill at of all places HSBC Dhoby Ghaut punyer smoking corner. He die die wanted to take my picture. Noooooooooo... I look crap in photos!
He boleh tahan peh kurang ajar with his dirty jokes and what not but I was cool with that. Muahahahaha.

Is it ok to ask someone if she is a virgin after you only just get to know each other.
"Are u still v?"
WTF. Open minded yes open minded but a bit eff ar.
Kurang ajar kan tu.
Member blow.
Sial tol.

2006-02-09T23:43:00.000+08:00

While watching America's Next Top Model last night, Fir called me up and asked for the name of the model with the short hair. Apparently he was referring to Jayla. Well she is cute, but she's such a bitchhead. And suddenly he was like "Eh cut your hair like hers lar, confirm lawa". Erm for some reason, guys just really preferred the short hair me rather than the long hair me. But I like the long hair me! And I've never ever had long hair before. I've always had short hair my whole life! Let me get really, really, really bored with my current hair and I might just go pixie again...

Due to my current unemployed status and rather than waiting for the call that never came from Trisha and the probably lost in the post cheque from Kelly...I'm just really getting a headache from staying at home because I've been staring at my book too hard.
Rain is such a bitch when you're outdoors.
Followed Sue"Jo" to the polyclinic.
Polyclinics are such bitches too.
Remembered a time when poor Menot had crampies and the queue was being such a bitch and she was like going into labour or something..koyak..haha I remembered the doctor say.
Koyak..macam rape victim siol.
Yes polyclinics are bitches.
Sue got her name changed on her IC to something much more exotic to follow the new family name. Nice.. I always wished my name was Sophie...

I'm watching the Grammy rerun and if you notice Ciara "1,2 Step" really can't sing for nuts. She's only got a great bod. Big deal.
I can't sing either and I don't have a great bod.
Ciara 1 Syasya 0

Today chill at Ash house.
Chill? Ok what is chill? I've questioned many people before..issit duduk2 sambil makan kacang..just sit around and talk cock..watching DVDs at home..or wat? and I always get the same answer.
"Kau macam siak ar Sya"
What????????????
Was supposed to meet this guy that Ash had set me up with. Mr Mat Salleh.
She always sets me up with guys. Ingatkan aku desperate sangat ke..Mr Carebear was sweet though. I kept going on and on and on about carebears that on the next date he got me a carebear! Awwwwww...
Not in contact anymore though.
The carebear gesture kinda freaked me out.
Anyway, in the end it was just me and Ash reminising about our old lame Talentime days.
Ketawa sampai nangis2 and terantok kepala..haha
Ash sis, WeeWik was there too.
How come a 15 year old girl has bigger boobs than me???!!
Arh I just want a cleavage. A river running through. Damn. I want her boobs!
Anyway, we ended up watching American Idol and Ash bf and Mat Salleh were suntanning in the living room.
He barely spoke a word to me! In fact he didn't say anything at all. After I left, he sms me and said that he was "malu".
Takde time lah malu malu.
Buang maseeeeeeeeee.
Melepas ar bro. sorrieee.

Never mind tomorrow got another date with Price Abubu. A guy I got to know from Menot's chalet. Cute as sin. Arh.

I still have yet to see Menot's Hindi VCDs!!!
Kal HO nAA ho AND hUM TUM.
And she's only got how many days left.
I've had those VCDs for months man, since those Amy days.

I cried last night because I missed him so much.
After 5 minutes, I stopped becuase I know it was not worth it...
Miss you anyway.

2006-02-09T00:01:00.000+08:00

Lately when a strange number appears on my handphone or a private number calling my phone...I'll get strange chills.
I get scared.
I want you to forget about me and leave me.
I want you out of my life.
It's complicated. We can never work out. Not even as friends.
But I know I'll always be missing you.
Take care, wherever you are.

2006-02-08T22:25:00.000+08:00

OOH...got muffins. Me got muffins today!
Chocolate muffin, banana muffin, pandan muffin.
Me a happy kitty.
Ooops...muffin drop.
*pick up off the floor and puts in mouth*
See.
Not dead yet.

Dirty FOOD?

2006-02-08T21:55:00.000+08:00

I have a bad habit of picking up food after they've dropped onto the floor and putting it in my mouth. I know it sounds unhealty, unhygenic and dirty but as long as I don't physically SEE the dirt, I'm fine. I've put tons of dirty food in my mouth. Fallen mentos, fallen hotdogs, fallen macaroni. Hey hasn't killed me yet. What doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger. Hahahaha.

Just 4 more days to...no not Valentine's Day. That's a stupid holiday anyway. To singletons rejoice! Anyway, 4 more days to Menot leaving. Leaving on a jet plane to Perth. Land of the kangaroos. Bawak balik satu ok! Or sepuluh. Lucky ass gets to live it up with the ang mohs and what nots over in Perth. Lucky lucky lucky to get an overseas education. Don't even get me started on the financial war with MY parents! All the best to her. Get a degree and faster come back lah. Me so lonely. At least she got me someone before she left. Replacement lah gitu.
Ah well, no one to mope to about my miserable love life, my miserable financial life and basically miserable me. I must, must, must learn to be a more positive person!
Hmm...who wants to recite mushy old Exists lyrics and cry over them with me now? BooHoo.
Anyway, I'll miss her.
UWAHHHHHHHHHHHH....
So today, probably the last time I'll see her before she goes...she's so bz bz bz...me, Suemaryo and our dear Menot went shopping at Bugis Village and there she was trying to hide her purchases from Mummy. Hahaha. Tak bleh escape lar dol.

2006-02-07T02:50:00.000+08:00

The bitch is back.
Well so much has changed since I was last here.
Changed jobs.
AGAIN. I hear you say.

Anyway was watching "Memoirs of a Geisha" with Ash today.
Wonder how much you idiot guys out there would bid for my mizuage.
Mizuage Mizuage.
And that word "danna".
Ash giler says it reminds her of "Finding Nemo"
Padahal no connection whatsoever.
Sotz.

2005-11-11T00:24:00.000+08:00

I DID IT! I DID IT! I DID IT!
i swallowed my first capsule!
:)

2005-11-10T23:00:00.000+08:00

Well, well...bumped into Shafie on the MRT today!
So we chit chat all the way to Raffles. It was dead crowded and I was super late for work. First day.
At least he reassured me to go to work and not to go home becuase I was seriously thinking of not even turning up for work.

Well first day of work and already I embarrased myself by putting on my pants the wrong way round. There I was with pockets on my butt. When the pockets were supposed to be at the FRONT!
Anyway I look like an idiot in the uniform but then again I always do.

Oh gawd. Life is boring.
I have no hope and interest anymore.
Call yourself a man?
You're just disgusting.

2005-11-08T16:24:00.000+08:00

Met another old Jin Tai friend today.
Wandi from Blk 307.
After 5 years only then I know that he was expelled from school.
No wonder dulu selalu balik sama-sama, then suddenly teros tak nampak muka lagi.
Well he's married now and apparently most of the ex Jin-Tai people are too.
The majority of them are married with kids.
Sheesh.
That makes me nervous.
We chit chat in the MRT together until City Hall.
Semalam Razman, hari ni Wandi, besok siape pulak hah?
Hur hur.

I'm at mom's now.
Trying to catch up and rest before starting work.
Khaty did say she will try to get a job for me at the Science Centre during the Star Wars exibition.
STAR WARS! I want! Although not a fan...reminds me of Ah-Lan and Aidil though.
Its always Star Wars VS LOTR.
hehe.

2005-11-07T21:01:00.000+08:00

Met an old boyfriend on the MRT today.
Mr sexy voice Razman. Haha.
He still looks the same though.
Hmm...my secondary 2 boyfriend. Funny when I think back on those days. I was so bloody nervous to hold his hand.
Anyway, he said I look thinner.
Well, well what's new eh.
He said last time I had a tummy. And I was chubbier.
Tummy? Bila masa plak kau tengok perot aku???
Ah well, still same old crappy Razman.

When I got to Robinsons, punyalah ramai orang!
So I made friends with these two 16 year old girls, Iffah and Khaisa.
I fitted right along with them maybe becuase I looked more 16 than them!
So we continued job hunting to town.
Cut the story short, I got a temp job at Isetan.
Ala, salesgirl je...tak glamer lah.
Tak kesah, dari aku duduk rumah je tak mendatangkan hasil langsung.
Its just till the end of December anyway.

Weirdo alert.
Yesterday morning about 8am, I received a phone call from a private number.
It was some guy on the line and he was like "tengah tido eh".
I was groggy and I didn't know who it was so i just said yes.
At first I thought it was Emil becuase he usually calls from a private number.
Then this weirdo started saying "Please keep me warm" "Because I'm cold"
My first instinct was to bleat out "Er, are you drunk?"
He kept on urging "Please can u make me warm? I'm on the bed".
Sounded like he wants some sexual favours to me.
Definitely a weirdo and I was still half asleep so I just said to call me back later in some more sociable hours.
When I woke up I sms-ed Emil and asked if it was him, but he said it wasn't him.
??????????
Salah nombor kot.

2005-11-06T18:28:00.000+08:00

Aunty Azlin came visiting today.
Nampak muka aku je dier tanya "Eh Syasya...this year Syasya sec berapa?"
Errrrrr.....
Sec? Dah habis poly dah pon...
Oh...abeh muka you ni macam budak maseh secondary school lah...
Errrrr...OK...
Mentang2 lah aku ni kecik.

Arhh I'm bored but super lazy. Sue ajak gi send Menot gi airport tapi malas nak siap siap. Then Sue fetch Shikin after work ajak rounding rounding dalam kereta pon aku malas. Arhhhhhh...kan dah boring.
Home alone now.
They have all gone visiting.
NAK ITOT!!!
Tapi macam mana...kereta dah tak boleh muat orang lagi.
Masok boot nak?
Buwek.

2005-11-06T17:40:00.000+08:00

Your Personality Profile

You are pure, moral, and adaptable.You tend to blend into your surroundings.Shy on the outside, you're outspoken to your friends.
You believe that you live a virtuous life...And you tend to judge others with a harsh eye.As a result, people tend to crave your approval.

The World's Shortest Personality Test

2005-11-05T22:36:00.000+08:00

A late entry but Selamat Hari Raya nontheless.
A bit boring Hari Raya this year.
A bit sad.
Collection hmm ok ok lah...I may be 21 but I still look 17...hur..
No jalan raya as everyone comes to the house instead.
Well today just went to Mak Long's and Shahnaz's house that's all.
Gawd, I'm really bored.

He's going reservist tomorrow.
Haha. Kesian.

Tommorow my dearest Menot going on her month long tour in Europe!
UWEK!!!!!!!!
Pada siapa lagi aku nak mengadu-ngadu...
Pada siapa lagi aku nak merengek-rengek...
Siapa lagi nak layan aku malam-malam buta nanti...
I'LL MISH YOU MENOT!!!!!

Kasih....dengarkanlah hati ku berkata...aku cinta kepada dirimu...sayang...

2005-10-31T21:48:00.000+08:00

Spilling sausages down the front of your shirt
Cozy bus rides
Matching jeans
Eating "buah jambu" in front of the stairs by the carpark
Wandering around HUGE supermarkets
Always end up on the aisle selling baby stuff
Making promises about the future
Mindless bets
Listening to "lagu jiwang" and singing our hearts out
Being vain about our hair
Baju raya bercouple

Could you really, really be the one I was meant to end up with
No matter how far I tried to run
I would always find you in the end

2005-10-29T15:19:00.000+08:00

I received a letter from Azlina today.
She told me some things which only confirmed what a LYING, CHEATING BASTARD you are!

Going out with Aidil later to watch some mind-numbing crap movie.
Or something.

2005-10-29T00:40:00.000+08:00

Oh god, I'm so depressed.
I am so ready to kill myself, but I know I won't go to heaven if I do.

He keeps calling and calling and calling.
He even tries to make me feel better by asking me to be his girlfriend once again.
Oh that's really funny. Hahahahahahaha.
Do u take me as a fool?
And then is pratically begging me for help.
Hmm...what help I wonder?
Did u really think I would come running back to you once you say you want me back?
Am I really that low?
Am I really that love deprived that I would gladly go with some guy I'm madly in love with but sadly doesnt't love me back.
But why?
Aren't you sticking your dick into that slutty girlfriend of yours?
Haiz.
Do you really think you are that revered "PRIZE"?
Do you really think you are the "perfect catch"?
You may have fooled me soooo many times, but not this time.
Not again.
How dare you use my affections for you against me.
How dare you use "love" as an excuse.
How dare you ruin my life.
When for these past 7 months you have done nothing but TORTURE MY SOUL!!!
You have reduced me to nothing.
To this low self-esteemed girl.
Just fucking leave me alone.

This girl who once thought it didn't matter if I don't have big boobs, it doesn't matter if I don't have a pretty face, it doesn't matter if I'm only average brains...
This girl who thought the whole world of herself. This girl who thought she was great. This girl who thought she was fine just the way she was. This girl who didn't care what anyone thought or said about her.
But that girl changed.
Now it matters to her.

I see these girls and I feel so low-life, so scum of the universe becuase IM NOT PRETTY ENOUGH, BECUASE IM NOT SMART ENOUGH, BECUASE IM NOT OUTGOING, BECUASE IM NOT SOCIABLE, BECUASE IM TOO GOODY TWO SHOES...
I don't want to be average.
I want to be more than average.
Looking at my beautiful friends profiles on Friendster just makes me want to kill myself.
All their testimonials say You're so pretty, you're so beautiful, you're so gorgeous...BLABLABLA
Nobody says that about me EVER.
All they ever say is that Syasya is UNIQUE which might as well interpret into Syasya is a FREAK.

I just want to feel special for just once in my life.

Oh wow, I just went on a major rant didn't I.
I know I'll never be that girl that everyone loves, that everyone has a crush on.
Because I've always taken a backseat to these very people.
I just have to be thankful with what God has given me.
At least I'm normal and not abnormal.
I just have to live my life being plain old Syasya.
Unwanted and Unloved.
As Always.
Amin.

2005-10-26T23:05:00.000+08:00

CREEP!!!
Leave me alone!
Stop trying to make me feel guilty!
Stop trying to act hurt!
Go back to your bitch.

2005-10-25T23:41:00.000+08:00

Went to National Library with Di today. I dont know why but its pissing everytime we're at the National Library.
Was SUPER LATE. Because I was waiting for the feeder bus for ard 20 minutes when it could have taken me much faster to just WALK there. I was fuming and ready to whack the ahpek upside down.
THEN it started to rain, wah shitty luck.
So I took a cab, and this other stupid ahpek decided to be clever and took the ECP just to go to Bugis. So he brought me to god knows where and an extra long route...and it costs me 10 bucks just to get to BUGIS??? MY GOODNESS.
AND AND AND when I didn't have 30 cents for the $10.30 cab fare, he still made me pay for it. Haiyoh. I slammed the taxi door without saying thank you.
Go and Die lah.

Hung out at the reference section to look for her books.
I think we got cheated out of 40 cents for the locker. Damn.

I badly wanted to eat at Secret Recipe so we went down to Suntec.
Followed by some embarrasing moments where I pretended to be Fillipino, becuase of some ehem cultural reasons.
Had yummy cheesecake and some warm cake monstrosity which just melted around the plate.
AND got cheated out of 50 cents for a teeny weeny bottle of mineral water.
Basically its a day of kena cheated.

Today I decided to change the songs on my MP3 Player and I had recorded some stuff on it, since my player has recording abilities. There was one clip where I don't remember recording so when I played it, it was a bit weird at first. There was a lot of static at first, then I heard my voice...then I heard a guy's voice...OMG this was the conversation I had with M yesterday!
Apparently I must have accidentally recorded it while I was with him the whole time yesterday becuase the recording was 3 hours worth.
But how could it? Becase it was in my bag the whole time...
Too weird...I hope this is not stalker behaviour. Hurhur.
Well maybe ITS A SIGN!!!

oh look, someone just asked me out. again.

2005-10-25T01:41:00.000+08:00

~Pernah ku mencuba terima seadanya
Sayang ia selalu calarkan sudut hati ku
Hingga lelah jiwa ku dikecewa
Yang tak mungkin berpaling kembali
Namun ku yakinkan nanti
Tuhan pasti beri gantinya~

2005-10-25T00:41:00.000+08:00

Life is definitely looking up.
My grandfather is much much much better now.
His fever is gone.
He doesn't need to go for dialysis anymore.
He can talk now!
And when we got to the hospital this afternoon, he was already sitting up on the chair which is a major improvement.
Although he got tired after sitting for 20 minutes, I was so happy.
Alhamdulilah.
Insyallah we can bring him home for raya!
I don't want to raya at hospital!!

Finally met M after so long.
Yup the very same M with the bike and the pink roses.
He's kinda grown on me, and became quite good friends.
Anyway he picked me up and we went to Geylang to find all the TAA tabongs.
Dropped a little bit into all the tabongs we found.
We tried to find his baju raya and apparently he's looking for white too.
Mine happens to be white this year. Waahh SAMA SEH..

Then we sat down to eat and began our storytelling.
I guess both of us are feeling pretty down in our lovelives.
So we just talked and talked and it felt good to open up and also to be a listener.
Round punya round pat Geylang pon naik boring so we went to Mustafa Centre and took a look at watches and handphones.
I wanna get a new handphone and get rid of this damn crap 3315 rubbish.

After he sent me home, he asked when can we meet again.
I said ANYTIME, besok pon boleh...
hurhurhur
....................

2005-10-23T22:58:00.000+08:00

Recuperating pretty well if I do say so myself.
Don't need to wait on some loser.

Went to watch Deuce Bigelow with Emil today.
Cite mengarot.
Boleh batal puasa sak tengok ni crite.
A lot of ehem "visually stimulating" scenes?
I had some laughs and it was actually OK.
Doesn't help that the guy sitting in front of me looked like HIM.
Sheesh.
Had BK for buka and we chatted and ended up at Toys R Us.
Then we walked all the way to Dhoby Ghaut MRT.
Emil said it was like walking with his kid sister.
OK LAH I know I look like 16!
Awet mude. Bagos per.

Haha. Emil stopped to sign up for some credit card at this DBS RoadShow for the Everyday card and the service guy let us come in and sit down. Then he told Emil "why not get a card for your wife also".
WIFE???
I almost died right there.
Idiot.

2005-10-22T23:59:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday to ME.
Finally I'm 21.
Well that's over now.

Would like to thank everyone for all their thoughts and all their nice presents.
Each and everyone of you is very much appreciated.
Shedah and gang for the nice diary
Dionne for the earrings
Menot for the earrings and sweater and shirt
and everyone else for thier wishes and a warm thank you especially to Fir who really has been my listening ear through all this.
Dionne, Menot and LingLing who is just really whom without them I would be a quivering mass of flesh... or bones rather.
And Liane, who every year without fail remembers me all the way from Germany.

Something happened in the early morning of my birthday which resulted in me crying and crying. Something truly unforgivable. Something truly heart breaking. But I've gotten over it. It's not worth.
I'd rather spend all my time and energy on all these great friends that I have that I know truly love me rather than that one someone who just PRETENDS to love me.
And my brilliant family.
I love them all.

Now I will make my 21 RESOLUTIONS!!
1) to gain weight!!! arghhh
2) to get over it
3) to respect and love MYSELF
4) to volunteer and give back to the people
5) to spend even more time with my brilliant family
6) to laugh more
7) to smile more
8) to erase that "glint of sorrow"
9) to make an effort on myself
10) to make an effort on everyone
11) to make an effort on everything
12) to find a JOB (that should have been top of the list though..)
13) to find a job that makes me satisfied
14) to write back all my letters
15) to stop being so emo
16) to make more money
17) to save more money
18) to not anyhow give people money
19) to be kind but not stupid
20) to be mature
21) to not be so stupid, gullible and naive and to remember that LOVE is simply not enough...

MENOT!!! arghhh why is my ugly mug on your blog!!
All the same, its so sweet of you...
You know me so well girl and I love you to bits and pieces.
You know I do!

2005-10-21T23:29:00.000+08:00

Am I about to suffer from a crying fit on the eve of my 21st birthday...
I think I am...

Turning 21 is depressing.

Will I ever get the one thing that I really and truly want...

2005-10-11T23:06:00.000+08:00

Do you know how much I love you?
Do you know how much I love you?
Do you know how much I love you?

2005-10-08T22:50:00.000+08:00

Haiz.
Please all I really ever wanted was just to have peace of mind.
Please, please leave me alone.
Please.
In this holy month, I know that this is just a test for me.
I must be strong.
I will not go back.
I cannot go back.
Love cannot be bought so why should I buy yours?

If you really loved me, you would prove it.
You would not blackmail me.
You would not try to hurt my feelings.
Such malice and sarcasm in your words.
You have played this song too many times.
I have played this game long enough.
I have had it.
If you want to love that girl so be it.
I am powerless to change it.
It all lies with you.
You should know better.
It's your life.
It's not my life to live it for you.
I'm sorry.
Million apologies.
Insyallah one day, you will realise all your mistakes.

I am better off alone.
Let God be my guide.

2005-10-06T22:37:00.000+08:00

Back to blog after 1 month of absense. Been so busy, tired, back and forth to the hospital.
My grandfather has been in hospital for about a month now...its complicated what he is suffering from, it's all so complicated..
I finally resigned from Shangri-La as some of you know. It was taking a toll on my health.
My mind.
Made some really good friends like Jenny, my teacher whom I will never ever forget and be eternally grateful, Rozy..Sandy, Nizah, Siew Foong, Kak Ros, Shine, Cara, Vikki...Dewi..
WILL MISS ALL THE SHANG FAMILY and especially to Abang Ridwan who is so so so nice to me and keeps calling me his anak sedara..hehehe

Anyway, I've decided to leave this emo, goth, depressed mode me. It's becoming passe. Going to live the bright, cheerful life and bring meaning into people's lives.
I want to take up yoga, learn mandarin, volunteer at the childrens home and the cat welfare society.
May even take up classes to be a teacher since I can never be a nurse.
Even going to go to the doctor to clear up my health problems.
Leaving my old life behind.
I'm finally taking back my life.

And to Amy.
Goodbye.

2005-10-06T22:12:00.000+08:00

It's funny how you wanted me to get this song for you so badly.
I downloaded it for you without really hearing the lyrics.
Only lately have I really paid attention to the lyrics and how this song really points to you.

You are poison to my soul.

Tersiksa Lagi Batin Ku

Demi sumpah mu
Ku bina istana cinta
Nilai adat dan agama
Ku jadikan pegangan ku
Tak pernah pun terlintas
Untuk aku menduakan mu
Apa lagi mengguris hati
Pada mu yang ku anggapkan Kekasih

Sungguh ku terkilan
Bila aku disingkirkan
Dicemuh penuh hinaan
Dengan sewenang-wenangnya
Bagimu cinta saja
Tak mampu untuk membina
Mahligai impianmu bak kencana
Berdiri alasan mu
Menutup pintu sengsara ku
Sehingga hati ku berdarah

Di tengah hujan kau biar ku kebasahan
Kau jadikan ku tawanan
Di kamar itu kau lena diulit mimpi
Ku beradu oh sendiri

Oh engkau racun berbisa
Membunuh jiwa raga
Zahir ku yang terluka
Engkau anggap biasa
Dan kini ku tahu
Ku bukan kekasih mu
Tak perlu kau ambil tahu
Apa pun yang mungkin berlaku
Terhadap ku

Tersiksa lagi batinku kerna mu
Biarku mengalah
Dari aku kian parah
Menyintai mu seolah
Mengundang seribu resah
Tak rela dibebani masalah...

So now please leave me alone and let me be.
You have someone else now.
You don't need me anymore.
But somehow I forgive you.
I hope we be happy now in our seperate ways.
Maybe another 5 years, things could be different.

2005-09-07T22:47:00.000+08:00

All those months, when I thought we had something special.
I thought I meant something to you.
Now I get it, I really get it.

I Can't Make You Love Me

Turn down the lights
Turn down the bed
Turn down these voices
inside my head
Lay down with me
Tell me no lies
Just hold me close don't patronize
Don't patronize me

Cause I can't make you love me
if you don't
You can't make your heart feel
something it won't
Here in the dark in these final hours
I will lay down my heart
And I'll feel the power
but you won't
No, you won't
Cause I can't make you love me
if you don't

I'll close my eyes
then I won't see
the love you don't feel
when you're holding me
Morning will come
and I'll do what's right
just give me till then
to give up this fight
and I will give up this fight

Cause I can't make you love me
if you don't
You can't make your heart feel
something it won't
Here in the dark in these final hours
I will lay down my heart
And I'll feel the power
but you won't
No, you won't
Cause I can't make you love me
if you don't
...............................

2005-09-07T22:30:00.000+08:00

Now I'm beginning to feel it.
MISERABLE!
I'm beginning to dread going to work.
PRESSURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Haiz...
I'm really thinking of resigning as I really, really wanna study, to go back to school but we just don't have the money..
At least if I could transfer to another department.
An office job.
I dread facing guests.
I dread it.
I hate the fakeness.
I hate it.

He was the only one that kept me going on.
The one who supported me and gave me the strength to go on.
But now he's gone.

I know.

2005-08-26T22:30:00.000+08:00

Haven't been updating in quite some time.
I'm just so damn tired.
Going home late every day.
Add 2 hours to the end of your shift and that's the time I reach home everyday at 1am, or 2am.
But time flies by very fast and its very interesting.
I even got my first tip which I got from escorting the guest up to his room.
I got a one dollar coin.
Don't know why, but I'm really excited about it.
Am attached to Jenny and she's a good teacher.
I have no life now.

I am tired.
Am I sad?
Am I miserable?
I'm too tired.

2005-08-16T22:43:00.000+08:00

Orientation has been going on.
Sometimes its mind numbingly dull but at other times tolerable (got such word meh?)
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I think I cry more now than I ever did when I was a baby.
I get shouted at everyday.
I get blamed upon everyday even when I'm trying to help.
I'm left feeling useless and unappreciated.
The only highlight of today was this old makcik who came up and said I was beautiful and then she hugged me.
Aww...

GUE GERSANG BEB

2005-08-14T23:40:00.000+08:00

No mood to blog.
So many things are happening.
Busy at work.
Busy trying to figure him out.
Busy trying to figure me out.
Busy trying to figure us out.

:(

2005-08-10T22:59:00.000+08:00

Interesting how Menot's entry talks about sadness and happiness and showing it in your emotions.
Well I've never been one to be described as CHEERFUL, or OUTGOING or anything like that so not surprising that I just got feedback from the staff that I look so sad most of the time and that I don't smile enough.
I DON'T WANT to FUCKI** sMILE if I don't want to...sheesh and I think that I smile ENOUGH.
And truth be told, I do actually see frown lines around my mouth.
I'm one sad girl.

Training alone. Challenging yet scary. But I'm up for it.
No more Kak Eka to bitch with so I'm alone!

Tommorrow might be celebrating his 22nd birthday...we'll see
~Kau terangi jiwaku, Kau redupkan lagi~

2005-08-08T21:55:00.000+08:00

Mengapa dia yang ku cinta
Sedangkan ku tahu sikapnya begitu
Dia pandai berpura dan pandai bermain kata
Setahun bersama bak seribu tahun tersiksa

2005-08-06T23:34:00.000+08:00

~ Run To You ~

I know that when you look at me
There's so much that you just don't see
But if you would only take the time
I know in my heart you'd find
A girl who's scared sometimes
Who isn't always strong
Can't you see the hurt in me?
I feel so all alone

I wanna run to you
I wanna run to you
Won't you hold me in your arms
And keep me safe from harm
I wanna run to you
But if I come to you
Tell me, will you stay or will you run away

Each day, each day I play the role
Of someone always in control
But at night I come home and turn the key
There's nobody there, no one cares for me
What's the sense of trying hard to find your dreams
Without someone to share it with
Tell me what does it mean?

I need you here
I need you here to wipe away my tears
To kiss away my fears
If you only knew how much...

2005-08-06T22:10:00.000+08:00

I am so bored.
I am so lonely.
I want to talk to him and hear his voice so bad.
I miss him.
But I know I can't.
I won't be a slave to his non existant love.
I must be strong even though it means going through this life alone.
Alone.

4th day of work ar Shangri-La Hotel.
Only been having training so its 9 to 5 for about 2 weeks.
Front Office.
Wow theres so much stuff to learn so much stuff to do.
Its challenging which is good.
So I won't be so bored.
Haiz.
For training just listen to lectures and walk around the hotel and familiarise with the surroundings.
I have to put on makeup everyday and bright lipstick which makes me look OLD.

Dionne and the Chocolate Factory.
Johnny Depp is creepy.
No squares that look round. :(
Good.
I like.
4 out of 5.

Today I feel so empty.
Lost somehow.
Won't someone take care of me?

2005-07-26T23:52:00.000+08:00

Why am I such a loser?
Men really and truly are jerks.
And I experience this first hand.
Never thought this would happen to someone like me.

Went on a date with this guy. Lets call him A.
He was so keen to meet me becuase he hasn't seen me in 5 years and apparently he used to like me.
So we met and he was quiet most of the train journey.
One thing I noticed and I think that it was rude of him lighting a cigarette and smoking in front of me without even asking if I minded or not.
Anyway we went to watch a movie and I only told him this MINUTES ago, that I do not like to watch horror movies and wa-hey guess what...he got us to tickets to Red Candy. Which I spent 3/4 of the time with my legs up on the seat, fingers plastered to my face and I had my eyes closed most of the time.
It was a most uncomfortable moment and such a CRAP CRAP CRAP and I repeat CRAP movie. Such a bad movie that I couldn't understand head or tails of it. Sungguh takde kene mengene with ANYTHING at all.
I felt so bored, so sleepy and so tired.
We walked to Topshop and he wanted to look at some Topman stuff, so I told him I was going to be upstairs at the ladies section. I was looking at the clothes and 20 minutes later I went downstairs and he was gone. I thought that maybe he had gone upstairs to look for me, so I went back upstairs to look for him. I must have gone upstairs and downstairs and all over the shop like 3 times and even waited for 10 minutes but he really was gone.
Wow...I got jilted.
Nice.
He didn't even have the decency to call.
At least I called him and his mom said that he just went out.
Wow...I feel so insulted.
You don't even respect me enough to tell me to my face that I'm boring and that you don't want to spend another single minute with me.
You have to just walk out on me.
Sheesh..that's really, really nice of you.
You walk out on me, in the middle of our date.
Guess that makes me feel a WHOLE LOT better! :)

And Amy.
Amy Amy Amy.
He finally told me that YES he has a new girlfriend.
So I'll just do all the work and let him have the easy way out and do all the talking for him, so that I'll be portrayed as the bitch and he'll be portrayed as the nice guy.
So I just tell him that I never ever want to talk to him anymore becuase his girlfriend won't like it.
So that's the end of it then.
Go and entertain your new girlfriend and take real good care of her.
Every girl deserves to love and be loved in return.
Guess its just not my time yet.
So you won't find me picking up your calls anymore.
I've had enough being your doormat.
Forgiven but never forgotten.

2005-07-26T00:16:00.000+08:00

Went to Shangri-La with Di today. It was raining so we had to take the damn taxi. Went to sign my appointment letter, to take my uniform and to see my locker and test it out. Anyway the uniform is a long skirt with an equally long slit up the thigh, a long sleeved shirt and a red jacket. I think I look like a nerd. Lost in these big clothes. Have to put on tons of makeup and bun up my hair. I'm kind of excited to be starting work! Commencement date pushed back to the 3rd of August now...
We got caught in the damn rain and my shoes were slipping and sliding all over the place. My cat shoes are ruined. My talking shoes.
Di wanted to get some stuff for graduation. But all the stuff were so expensive...
Thanks Di for following me around... :)

He hasn't called for 3 days now. Should I be worried or should I be relieved.
Isn't that what I wanted?
Haiz.

2005-07-25T23:47:00.000+08:00

Saturday:
Girls night out with my dearest Mum. I was so tired after work and blur like sotong that I got into the wrong train and ended up in Marina Bay (???) We had dinner and shared our food and we were walking down Orchard Road holding hands and linking arms. I told her that I felt sad seeing couples going out on dates together on a bloody Saturday night and she said that my time will come soon. She told me stories about her past boyfriends and warned me about bad boys, skint boys, manipulating boys and how I should always watch out. It was good to hear stuff from somebody who's been there before. Met Ain at Cahaya and she started squawking about how young mum was and everything...and Mum started to "kembang" and milk it for all it's worth.
We went shopping at FarEast and the military top that I wanted to get was GONE!!!!!! :( So much for waiting for my pay...
Anyway got another one like it, something which I will wear for graduation. A maroon jacket cum shirt. I just don't want to look so boring like everyone else.
After that we tried out stuff at This Fashion. Wanted to get one of those cropped cardigan things but it looks so shit on me, because of my chicken stick-like arms. My gawd! They really do look like sticks! After that we had coffee and cakes at Coffee Club.
Thanks Mum.

Sunday:
Last day at Dorothy Perkins today...I could sense something was wrong with Kak Lin becuase she didn't seem to wamt to talk to me much...Mary Jane too...
Mas was crazy till the end...Idah was having issues so we talked about it and she belanja me at LJS...
Going home time, Me, Kak Lin, Idah and Mas all had a big group hug and we all promised to stay in touch and still go out shopping and stuff. Mas wished me all the best but the most touching was Kak Lin who hugged and told me she regarded me as her little sister and that she was just beginning to get close to me when I had to leave...she told me she loved me...Awww...I will sooooooo miss her..Kak Lin, Mas and Idah...these girls really really helped me cope and to forget about stupid men and just how NOT worth it they all really are...They support and back me up and listen and console. May was not working today, but she called me up especially and told me to take care and to take care of my money and you know who...Mooi Hong said I was always welcome and she would want me to come with "my pisang" (read: boyfriend :P) - if I had one that is...and she gave me a striped underwear. Hah. Cute. Hugged Mary Jane who will be going back to the Phillipines next month and even Ayu, the Bloom girl.
I LOVE YOU GIRLZZZZ...

2005-07-22T22:29:00.000+08:00

I decided to take up the Shangri-La job becuase I think I might actually go far and have a proper future with it. And it IS a five-star hotel...
So I felt bad about leaving DP but the girls were all really supportive.
So I'll be having my last day in DP on Sunday but the girls have all promised to go out together and keep in touch and I'll always always visit them.
I'll start Shangri-La on 1st of August, so I'll have a week of rest and be able to enjoy Graduation Day.
Even Amy has got a job.
Met him a few times over the week and I just can't seem to stay away from him.
I'm just really at a confusing situation right now.
He wants me, he doesnt' want me.
I need him and he needs me.
How did this end up being so confusing.
I'm just really tired thinking about relationships.

A really good friend just confessed his love to me again.
After all I've been through, I'm just really scared.
I like him and everything but I just can't seem to like him in that way...Part of me still is with Amy...
Nowadays I'm so tired after work and having a great time at work with the girls that by the time I reach home I am so ready to crash and too tired to think about the things that happened.
Things that people say to hurt me, to confuse me...I just let it all wash over me.

Anyway went out with Menot today and she of course shopped like mad.
But me...I can't afford to.
I only have ahh errmm... like $2 in my bank AND I still owe people money.
I have my priorities I guess.
Saw a really, really nice top...but then...
It's just a stupid top...although it was really really nice and looked really good on me, and actually FITTED me, becuase it is really hard finding clothes in my size since I'm really tiny...
Anyway, there's more to life than just clothes...
But I'd really like to get something for myself...its been a really really long time...
But then again, I would rather be happy with my life.
God knows I haven't been happy in a really long time...
:(

2005-07-15T23:52:00.000+08:00

I'm in a major DILEMMA!
Used to have no job...now I have 2 jobs!!!
Arghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!
I really want the Shangri-La Hotel...but I can't bear to just leave Dorothy Perkins after only 1 week...
These people are like my best friends already...
Haish Haish...
Why Shangri-La have to respond so slow...
So now how...
I'm scared to resign.
Scared I will kena blacklisted.
But I also know I want the Shangri-La.
How?

2005-07-09T00:57:00.000+08:00

Dorothy Perkins.
May, Mooi Fong, Mary Jane, Eleanor, Kak Lin and Mas.
They're OK.
I can get along with them.
It's only my second day.
Just tired of standing.
But I'll get used to it.

Today FOX and Dorothy Perkins were fighting over some rail.
Sheesh.
Screaming Staff.
Over a stupid rail.
Me and Kak Lin were just chuckling away.
Go to work alone.
Lunch alone.
Go home alone.
Alone.
Haiz. Kesian nyer aku.

I get called Idah at work.
Errr...EWWW..
Idah is my MOM!
Speaking of which Mom came by today but I wasn't at work yet, but already she took advantage of my staff discount.
Sheesh.

2005-07-09T00:38:00.000+08:00

6/7/05
Received a call from Wing Tai.
YEY!
I got the job!
Dorothy Perkins at Bugis Seiyu.
Look for the gloomy girl in the shirt which looks too big for her.
That will be me.

Met up with Amy at Causeway Point and we did the weirdest thing ever.
We went grocery shopping.
We were like some married couple.
Me with the basket and him carrying my bag.
Going around buying fish and chicken and eggs and what not.
Poking the fish and smelling our fishy smelling fingers.
Playing with the condoms.
Hmm.
Domestic life is fun.

My sister Syafiqah's 7th birthday.
Bought her Barbie stuff at Kiddy Palace with Amy.
Amy wanted to get her some crap Barney stuff.
Barney? Ewww KIDDING RIGHT???

Bought food and drinks at the pasar malam nearby and we went to the nearby hmm "deserted area", sat down on the floor and ate, chat, laughed and joked.
All the oily stuff just wipe off our jeans.
Hah. 2 * 5. 5 * 2
He gave me his Panasonic phone.
Something from him...
Will I ever be able to see him as "just a friend" when the feelings are still so strong...
Yes. No. Maybe. I don't know.

2005-07-09T00:26:00.000+08:00

I never wish this upon any of you my dear reader.
To have someone you love so much, with all your heart and soul.
Someone you spent so much time, energy, love, effort, money.
Made so much sacrifices for...
Just to feel the justification of his love for you...
To tell you,
To admit to you,
that all this while you were with him,
he NEVER had any feelings for you.

Your heart lies bleeding on the floor.
You know you should be mad, you know you should be crying your life away.
But out of the pureness of your heart and maybe the little flicker of love or hope that you still carry for him, you relent.
You just be friends.
But you know that you can never be satisfied by that.
You know that you HAVE to leave him sooner or later.
But the matter is HOW.
Becuase I'm not as CRUEL as HE is...

2005-07-02T15:39:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I feel that I'm not being appreciated for the things that I do.
All the suffering, the embarrasment I have to go through is not appreciated.
That is the one thing that really makes me sad.
That really makes me want to cry.
Like it's all nothing.
Like it's all no big deal.
What goes around comes around.

2005-07-01T15:51:00.000+08:00

~Love Will Lead You Back~

Saying goodbye is never an easy thing
But you never said you'd stay forever
So if you must go
Oh, Darling I'll set you free
But I know in time
We'll be together

I won't try to stop you now from leaving
Cause in My Heart I know
Love will lead you back
Some day I just know that
Love will lead you back to my arms
Where you belong
I'm sure, sure as stars are shining
One day you will find me again
You won't be long
One of these days our love
Will lead you back

One of these nights
Oh I'll hear your voice again
You're gonna say
How much you miss me
You'll walk out this doorbut
Some day you'll walk back in
Darling I know, I know this will be

Sometimes it takes some time out on your own
To find your way back home
Love will lead you back
Some day I just know that
Love will lead you back to my arms
Where you belong
I'm sure, sure as stars are shining
One day you will find me again
It won't be long
One of these days our
Love will lead you back

2005-07-01T14:26:00.000+08:00

Yesterday went to so many places.
First up to MOE to collect statement of results for Amy.
We had fun at the photocopy machine because he wouldn't let me see!
Was just supposed to accompany him to MOE then we would go our seperate ways, but ended up spending the whole day with each other.
Dunno why he still wants to check on my sms-es. It's not like I have anything to hide from him.
He should know that.
My heart is locked and only he holds the key.

After that we went to Police Cantonment Centre to collect his IC and Cert.
Had a reflective moment by the stairs and I was quite disappointed for him as well...

Next up to Orchard where he accompanied me to Topman where there was a walk-in interview going on. Qeued up for quite some time and the wonky system which meant that others who came later got interviewed first. I was so ready to fall off my high heeled shoes. Bumped into Di and Dot. Silly Di who thought I was some bitch who anyhow wanted to smack her. *Smack*
Well they said it would be immediate but starting pay is only $1100. I'll take about anything right now. And as usual "We will call you"...But you never do.

We took a cab down to Shangri-La Hotel and he was being such an ungentlemanly jerk by getting out of the cab first, leaving the door wide open, leaving me and hiding somewhere.
???? But never mind, I know him well enough.
It's so cute when he insists on putting on the seatbelt in the back seat.
I was supposed to be the one applying but he ended up applying as well just to try our luck.
We waited for almost one hour and we were already grumbling, sleepy and hungry, listening to our discman and singing along. Don't know how many times I tied and re-tied my ponytail as it got droopier and droopier. Amy got called in first and his interview lasted all of 5 minutes. After that it was my turn. I applied for Front Office Agent and I think it went quite well as I was referred to the Front Office Manager and had a second interview. Was led to a damn cold room and it was only me and 2 ladies from Front Office I assume. They asked me all sorts of questions regarding the hotel and I totally clammed up at what should have been the most easiet question, "Tell me more about yourself". SHIT. All the comm skills practice gone out the window.
I was a bundle of "errss..and ummms.."
Front Office have to do check-in check-out, billings in local and foreign currency, 3 rotating shifts and only 1 day off. There will be overtime and such. Grooming is vvv important. And you have to stand all the time.
They tested me on my maths skills. What is 20% of $3000, What is 10% of $6000, What is 25% of $1000? SHIT. My maths was already weak as hell and they had me doing mental sums.
I was trying my best to calculate in my head but was slow as crap and I got all the answers wrong. "Errr, cannot use calculator ar?" "No, cannot". Damn.
At the end of it all, they laughed at me. "Every Front Office Agent will be given a calculator, don't worry...You stress issit..." Sheesh.
When I came out, Amy was already gone, no doubt he got bored of waiting and went outside.
I was told to wait for another Manager but luckily that person was not around.
'We will call you".

Amy and me took a cab down to Jurong East to buy our fan at Cash Convertors and we had such a laugh. Wondering how the hell were we going to get the damn thing home. It would be so paiseh to carry such a huge fan into the MRT.
While in the cab, he warned me about working in the hotel line.
That he was tired but glad to be ending up spending the whole day with me.
And the whole "Cemburu makna nya sayang" thing.
That had me analyzing his words to no end.
The whole day has made me linger wanting more, but I know I must be patient.
Today has been one of the happiest days for me.

Looking at other people has me envying them.
Happy couples.
Beautiful girls.
What happened to highly confident Syasya?
I have been reduced to a low self esteem psycho.
I had no problems with my flat chest now all I want are "tetek yang power dan bontot yang cute". Vulgar. I KNOW.

2005-06-29T17:34:00.000+08:00

Yesterday:
Was so bloody depressed. I don't know why.
A certain somebody left me feeling sad again although by no fault of his.
Last minute staff meeting at CCK.
Was already on my way in the train when Abg Wahab sms and said that the meeting was cancelled, so I got down at Bukit Batok and was ready to take the bus back home when he called me again and said that the meeting back on. So I had to get back on the train and again to CCK.
CEKIK DARAH SIOL.
Anyway met Abg Wahab, and all the other captains: Mardiana, Me, Abu and Dino. Only Mahathir wasn't free. Had dinner of satay, otak-otak and shared mee with Mar. It was somewhere in the middle of Choa Chu Kang Park and its quite a nice place. We talked about work and how we were going to improve on it. Give feedback and how to manage the next events. We ended at around 11pm and we took a cab and dropped them off one by one but they all lived nearby at Bukit Panjang and CCK, so I was the last person home.
Mabok naik taxi.
Chat to Amy on the ride home.
When I got home, I vomitted in the toilet becauase of the wonky taxi ride.
Chat to Amy until 1230 and he made me cry although by no fault of his.
I was just being too silly and emotional.
A friend advised that I have to take my chances and be patient.

Met Amy for a while and passed him the CD.
Amy has his job interview today and he starts another temporary job tomorrow.
Boy is busy after ORD.
Happy dia.
He called me and silly boy didn't have his certificates so he must go back tomorrow.
We were laughing about it.
Tommorow I have my interview at Shangri-La Hotel and then at Topshop.
Arghh fingers crossed. I hope I get. I hope I get.

2005-06-28T19:03:00.000+08:00

To commit suicide effectively by way of the slashing of wrists.
Do it lengthways, not sideways.

2005-06-24T22:46:00.000+08:00

I'm a goddamn fool.
FOOL.
STUPID FOOL.
NAIVE FOOL.
FOOL FOOL FOOL
Stare at it long enough and it starts to lose its meaning.

If I get called up for the Emirates job...then Byebye Singapore.
I'll have to go live in Dubai.
Great.

2005-06-23T23:19:00.000+08:00

Oh wow.
Call it fate, destiny, whatever, Suriani calls it the "twillight zone".
Its funny how life plays little tricks on us.
I got home from work today and there it was sitting nicely on my table.
The letter.
The letter from Azlina.
The letter that would have came regardless of whether we had paid her a visit yesterday.
Its just one, big, nice, amazing coincidence...

Sister...Thanks so much...

2005-06-23T16:29:00.000+08:00

Over the past few days have had a few panicky moments.
Heart-wrenching moments.
Moments of desperation.
Many screaming, shouting, ignoring, slamming of the phones...
Haiz, just another day in the life of Amy and Syasya.

Met Suriani for a while and together we went over to Khaty's place to return her bag.
We were just joking around that we were going to visit our old friend and my "ex-best friend" i suppose.
I remember her block and her house due to the many vcd watching sessions, karaoke singing, birthday parties, gossip moments, hair dyeing and hair cutting fiascos spent in her room.
We went up and knocked on her door.
I can't even believe we were doing this sort of crazy thing.
I even tried to hide behind a slim wall.
Well her mom opened up the door and well she seems to remember all of us.
Too bad she wasn't in.
We even made up the reason that we were just around the neighbourhood...I havent stepped into West Coast area since graduating from Jin Tai yonks ago.
Tried to make up this ridiculous reason that one of us (me) was getting married and we were just delivering an invitation card (yeah right)
After that we kept joking and joking that every next person we were going to meet was her, Azlina.

Then then then lo and behold,
Kat and Ais was around buying food and they saw her!
Azlina... after years of missing in action, we finally caught her.
Hahahaha.
She told Kat she sent me a letter, the last letter I got from her was like a year ago...and the last thing I sent to her was a 21st birthday card in January.
I want her to know all about me and Amy seeing she was such a big part of that part of my life when we were back in secondary school.
She was always the one who kept hearing me gush and fed me information about Amy when I was having this mad crush on him.
I just want to share it with her.
You told me BEST FRIENDS FOREVER...but where are you now?

2005-06-22T14:25:00.000+08:00

I live in constant paranoia.
The slightest sounds scare me.
Especially phone sounds.
I get headaches everyday.
Headaches that spread from my eyes to my brain.
I get so sleepy and tired by 11pm.
I used to be able to stay up all the way till 4am.
I lost a LOT of weight.
"Why so skinny ar?"
"Anorexic issit?"
The answer is I dont know and No.
As of lately, I weigh a mere 37kg.
Toss me.

This whole madness has taken its toll on me.
I'm wilting away into nothing.
Deteriorating into emptiness.

2005-06-19T23:47:00.000+08:00

I am terrified of the phone.
Terrified simply terrified.
I wish I could chuck it down the toilet.
I'm so scared.
Somebody help me.
God.

2005-06-15T17:55:00.000+08:00

~Alasan Mu~

Ikhlasnya hati
Sering kali disalah erti
Tulusnya budi
Tidak pernah engkau hargai
Berlalu pergi dengan kelukaan ini
Ku Mengalah...Ku bersabar

Bertentang mata seolah-olah tiada apa
Berpaling muka ada saja yang tidak kena
Mencari sebab serta alasan yang kukuh
Supaya tercapai hajatmu

Manis dibibir mumutar kata
Malah kau tuduh akulah segala penyababnya
Siapa terlena pastinya terpukau
Pujukmu, rayumu, suaramu
Yang menagih simpati dan harapan

Engkau pastinya tersenyum
Dengan pegunduran diriku
Tetapi bagi ku pula
Suatu ketenangan

Andainya kita terus bersama
Belum tentu kita bahagia
Selagi tidak kau ubah
Cara hidupmu

Ada rahmatnya
Bila tidak lagi bersama
Terasa jauh
Diriku ini dengan dosa

Ku tinggalkanmu walau tanpa kerelaan
Yang nyata kau tidak berubah...

Katalah apa yang kau ingin
Selagi kau dapat berkata
Memang begitu sikapmu
Semenjak dahulu

2005-06-15T15:18:00.000+08:00

Three little words.
I Give Up.

It may sound hypocritical, but this is as much as I can take.
Why should I be the one made to suffer becuase of the mistakes you made?

We are totally different.
I could never understand someone like you.
You can never, ever understand someone like me.
We collide.
Why even go on?

I won't go around chasing you anymore.
I won't be hanging around waiting anymore like a damn dog.
Why am I so stupid?
Why am I so cheap?
Hanging on, holding on and wishing for a better future?
Only fools do that.
I won't be your lovefool anymore.

I don't know, don't care what happens in the future anymore.
What happens, happens.

My body is broken.
My mind is broken.
My spirit is broken.
Broken.

I'm a cynic.
I'm a feminist.
I give up just like that.
I Quit.
Game Over.
I Lose.

2005-06-13T15:10:00.000+08:00

Met with Amy on Friday chatted about everything at the fountain for 2 hours.
He taught me a lot of things about life.
Things I have never even thought about.
Things which to me seemed so small but in actual fact, is a pretty big damn deal.

What happens, happens...

On Saturday met up with Kathy and we went to Cash Convertors and we were laughing so much becuase I sold my Discman and some CDs for a meager $15.
It was so sad.
We were laughing becuase we were so sad.
Then sat at Jurong Library to browse through the newspapers looking for jobs.
We were too damn skint even to buy a 80 cents newspaper.
I realised that I had been cheated!
Nokia 7260 was selling for $275 at Jurong East and I bought mine for $300 at Clementi.
Wah! Rugi Siol.
Anyway after that went to Amy's place for a while.
Clever me.

2005-06-10T14:20:00.000+08:00

Crampies.
Outbreak.
Yikes.

I need a job badly.
I mean the eClub is great, but I want like a weekend sideline job.
Hope to get something for this particular weekend seeing that the dinner event got cancelled.
I need instant cash.
Instant gratification.
KERING.

Now my family is forbidding me to meet him.
Since when did we turn Romeo and Juliet-esque?
I don't care.
I'll meet you in secret if I have to.
They want to matchmake me??!!
You must be kidding right...
I don't care.
I don't care.
I still want You.

2005-06-09T17:32:00.000+08:00

Suffering from an outbreak.
Yesterday went shopping at GIANT with my Grandmammie and for no reasons started to bawl in the middle of IMM.
Started throwing hissy fits and sulks and tears running down my face.
I don't even know why...
I'm PMS-ing.
No Nasi Pattaya so started to cry again.
Until I got placated with KFC.
Haiz...

Met up with Amy again yesterday.
Didn't realise how much I missed him until I saw him.
We seem to see each other more and more...
Met him at Central and intro to his friend.
Then we walked around and went in search for the best handphone prices.
After that had dinner at Avenue 3 and we chatted and shared Murtabak.
Remember lah Bang no onions...
We chatted and I took pictures of him with my new phone.
There was definitely flirting going on...
Chemistry still there?
Definitely.
It feels so nice to spend time with him again like that.
While we were fiddling with my phone, I just took a minute to stare at him and ..............
I don't feel that anything has ever changed.

I still love him.
Giving him his time and space to sort out his life.
I'll still be here if you need me.
Insyallah.

2005-06-07T15:03:00.000+08:00

Met Amy again.
The first time after the break up.
He showed me all the documents and even let me keep one.
After that we just loitered around making eyes and faces at each other.
Haiz..its still the same.
The feeling is still there.
I still love him.

He even complimented me on the outfit that I was wearing.
Although my bra was halfway slipping off my back.
Damn strapless bra on non-existant boobies is bad.
We stayed under the block and talked.
He's still as yummy as ever.
If you want to make it work, so do I.
Just don't dissappoint me again...

Fool me once, shame on you,
Fool me twice, shame on me...

2005-06-06T16:11:00.000+08:00

New working hours.
2-7pm.
The eClub girls are pretty cool.
Used to work alone at least now have some comapny.
Had a laugh with YuFen yesterday trying to haul the damn heavy boxes up to the shelves.
Could not stop giggling.

New girl Regina is here today and she's pretty cool.
Bought me KitKat.
KITKAT DI!

Amy, disappointment again and again.

More problems with Andy today.
The perverted long haired fagotty dude who think he has such a huge dick.
Kept complaining and complaining but this time Vincent was there and I know Vincent was so ready to sock the guy one.
So was I.
3 VS 1.
Asshole.
Go find some other people to bully.